


Trashaholics

by RidingMalum



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Aro/ace Eliza, F/M, M/M, Multi, Texting, group chats, non-binary Lafayette
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-02
Updated: 2017-03-05
Packaged: 2018-07-19 14:25:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 14,604
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7365091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RidingMalum/pseuds/RidingMalum
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>AdotHam: i just beat my high score on pacman while wearing your mom's thong</p><p>GladinGladiator: are you talking about my mom? </p><p>AdotHam: yea </p><p>GladinGladiator: i have so many questions yet i dont think that im going to ask </p><p>TurtlesEquality: its like the thong has a magic power because hes killin it at pac man</p><p>****NOT FINISHED****</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trashaholics

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FrenchFry: Lafayette  
> GladinGladiator: Hercules  
> AdotHam: Alexander  
> TurtlesEquality: John  
> Elrond: Eliza  
> andPeggy: Peggy  
> TheWittiest: Angelica

 

 **FrenchFry has started a chat**  
**FrenchFry added AdotHam, GladinGladiator, TurtlesEquality, TheWittiest, Elrond, andPeggy to The Nerd Herd**

 **FrenchFry:** i made it to my hair appointment and got got some dick

 **GladinGladiator:** good for you

 **AdotHam:** was the dick good?

 **andPeggy:** thats a valid question

 **FrenchFry:** it was so good it had me writing my wedding vows

 **TheWittiest:** i heard the mention of a wedding

 **TheWittiest:** i call dibs on maid of honor/best man

 **Elrond:** if angelica gets to be maid of honor i want to walk Laf down the aisle

 **FrenchFry:** how do you know im the one thats going to be walking down the aisle??

 **TurtlesEquality:** is that a serious question

 **TutrlesEquality:** you're you. of course you'll be walking down the isle.

 **andPeggy:** thats a good point

 **TurtlesEquality:** im glad i got your approval

 **GladinGladiator:** i want a part in this wedding

 **GladinGladiator:** can i be flower girl

 **AdotHam:** i dont have a part in it

 **andPeggy:** same hammy same

 **FrenchFry:** there is NOT going to be a wedding

 **FrenchFry:** i was using a ...what do you call it? a saying

 **Elrond:** You've lived here for several years

 **Elrond:** you speak english better than most americans.

 **Elrond:** you know what its called!

 **AdotHam:** im confused. How did you manage to get your hair done and get dick?

 **Turtlesequality:** yeah, did you fuck one of the hair stylists?

 **FrenchFry:** no,,,,

 **FrenchFry:** i another customer fucked me

 **TheWittiest:** as much as i love hearing about your sex life

 **TheWittiest:** i would like to talk about something else

 **GladinGladiator:** like...?

 **AdotHam:** i just beat my high score on pacman while wearing your moms thong

 **GladinGladiator:** are you talking about my mom?

 **AdotHam:** yea

 **GladinGladiator:** i have so many questions yet i dont think that im going to ask

 **TurtlesEquality:** its like the thong has a magic power because hes killin it at pac man

 **FrenchFry:** @TurtlesEquality are you watching hammy play pac man in a thong???

 **TurtlesEquality:** yeah

 **AdotHam:** #relationshipgoals

 **Elrond:** are you hash tagging your own relationship?

 **andPeggy:** why do you have herc's mom's thong?

 **andPeggy:** i take that back

 **andPeggy:** i dont want to know

 **Elrond:** i dont think this is what Angelica had in mind when she wanted to change the topic

 **TheWittiest:** its not

 **andPeggy:** we could talk about how i was poked in the eye with a penis last night

 

**TheWittiest named the chat trashaholics**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been reading so many texting fics I thought that I would right my own. 
> 
> Talk to me on tumblr here - http://myxdear.tumblr.com/


	2. Zombie Porn?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GladinGladiator: Are you guys aware that John is fucking nuts 
> 
> AdotHam: yeah
> 
> TheWittiest: yeah
> 
> andPeggy: yup 
> 
> Elrond: tf its 3am 
> 
> Elrond: and yes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FrenchFry: Lafayette  
> GladinGladiator: Hercules  
> AdotHam: Alexander  
> TurtlesEquality: John  
> Elrond: Eliza  
> andPeggy: Peggy  
> TheWittiest: Angelica

**GladinGladiator:** Are you guys aware that John is fucking nuts

 **AdotHam:** yeah

 **TheWittiest:** yeah

 **andPeggy:** yup

 **Elrond:** tf its 3am

 **Elrond:** and yes

 **FrenchFry:** how do you say? that boy is a nut job

 **Elrond:** -.- we fucking talked about this laf

 **FrenchFry:** soz miss Eliza

 **GladinGladiator:** ANYWAYS

 **GladinGladiator:** he just woke me up doing the craziest shit

 **TurtlesEquality:** I said that I was sorry for trying to jump out of your window.

 **GladinGladiator:** Like Eliza said

 **GladinGladiator:** its 3 in the goddamn morning why would you do that?????

 **TheWittiest:** John are you okay!!

 **TheWittiest:** He lives on the fifth floor you don't jump out of windows that high

 **TurtlesEquality:** thanks for your concern Angie, but im fine. I didn't actually jump.

 **andPeggy:** why did any of this happen?

 **GladinGladiator:** HE'S FUCKING CRAZY THATS WHY THIS HAPPENED

 **AdotHam:** but....

 **AdotHam:** this isn't the first time that he's done this

 **AdotHam:** when we shared a dorm he did this at least once a week

 **Elrond:** jfc John get your shit together

 **TheWittiest:** fuck this

 **TheWittiest:** im tired im going to go back to sleep

**TheWittiest left the chat**

**Elrond:** Angelica has the right idea

**Elrond left the chat**

**andPeggy:** I still want to know why you were in Herc's apartment

 **TurtlesEquality:** long story short: I left something at Hercules place so I went to go and get it

 **GladinGladiator:** at 3am

 **TurtlesEquality:** Time is an illusion

 **TurtlesEquality:** when i got there the crazy neighbor had there asshole cat in the hallway so I ran into hercules apartment. I didn't want to go back in the hallway after I grabbed my thing so I thought that jumping out the window would be the best idea.

 **FrenchFry:** tag yourself, i'm "asshole cat"

 **andPeggy:** i'm, "jumping out the window would be the best idea."

 **AdotHam:** i'm "time is an illusion."

 **GladinGladiator:** guess what I am

 **GladinGladiator:** im tired, goodnight trash babies

 **GladinGladiator** **left the chat**

 **FrenchFry:** im tired too, see ya bitches

**FrenchFry left the chat**

**andPeggy:** everyone is leaving :(

**andPeggy left the chat**

**AdotHam:** babe, come home it's cold and I need cuddles

 **TurtlesEquality:** im coming just give me a sec

 **AdotHam:** heh that's what you said last night

 **TurtlesEquality** sent fuck_you.png

* * *

 

**Elrond started a chat**

**Elrond added TurtlesEquality, GladinGladiator, TheWittiest, andPeggy, AdotHam and FrenchFry to Trashaholics**

**Elrond:** I did not catch Peggy watching porn. I did not catch Peggy watching porn. I did not catch Peggy watching porn. I did not catch Peggy watching porn. I did not catch Peggy watching porn. I did not catch Peggy watching porn.

 **FrenchFry:**.....

 **FrenchFry:** did you catch peggy watching porn?

 **Elrond:** yes

 **andPeggy:** There are certain things that we keep to ourselves Liza

 **TheWittiest:** not gonna lie but i don't need to know that my little sister watches porn.

 **TurtlesEquality:** a lot of people watch porn. Shouldn't be that big of a deal @TheWittiest

 **GladinGladiator:** ^^ true

 **Elrond:** It was zombie porn! She was watching it on my computer!

 **AdotHam:** Zombie porn? Really?

 **andPeggy:** would you believe me if I told you that it was for research?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me at my tumblr here -
> 
> <http://myxdear.tumblr.com/>


	3. Sleeping with the Enemy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> andPeggy: angelica
> 
> andPeggy: my favorite sister
> 
> Elrond: wtf peggy i thought i was your favorite
> 
> andPeggy: shut up Eliza, im trying to make a point
> 
> andPeggy: Angelica you didn't inform us that you slept with TJeff

 

 **TheWittiest:** this hotel is the shit!

 **andPeggy:** you wanna know what else is the shit?

 **andPeggy:** home is. you should come back we miss you

 **TheWittiest:** all the movies on cable are either porn or Bollywood.

 **TheWittiest:** i'm never leaving

 **AdotHam:** usually when im at hotels i only watch the show about the hotel

 **FrenchFry** : is that even considered a show? i thought it was a commercial

 **TheWittiest:** i dont care what it is. I'm never coming back!

 **TurtlesEquality:** i guess that it was nice knowing you

* * *

 

 **FrenchFry:** you'll never believe who i ran into

 **GladinGladiator:** beyonce?

 **AdotHam:** washington?

 **TurtlesEquality:** obama?

 **Elrond:** the pope?

 **andPeggy:** a stranger?

 **TheWittiest:** who did you run into?

 **FrenchFry:** the guy that i slept with after my hair appointment 2 weeks ago.

 **FrenchFry:** he has a nice voice

 **FrenchFry:** and nice hair

 **FrenchFry:** and he's been to france

 **TurtlesEquality:** you sound like you're in love

 **FrenchFry:** bitch i might be

 **Elrond:** what's his name?

 **FrenchFry:** Thomas

 **AdotHam:** i know a thomas

 **AdotHam:** i hate that guy

 **Elrond:** it's probably not the same thomas @AdotHam

 **GladinGladiator:** it would be funny if it was

 **Elrond:** there is only one way to find out

 **GladinGladiator:** show him a picture of alex and see if he runs away screaming?

 **Elrond:** no

 **Elrond:** ask him what his last name is

 **FrenchFry:** he said that it's Jefferson

 **TurtlesEquality:** IM DYING

 **GladinGladiator:** NICE

 **andPeggy:** YOU FUCKED ALEX'S ENEMY

 **AdotHam:** how could you laf? I trusted you

 **FrenchFry:** he's so cute though

 **TurtlesEquality:** of course you would think that he's cute. He could be your fucking doppelganger.

 **GladinGladiator:** idk why we didnt see this coming. Laf likes to look at themselves so much it would only make sense that he would have sex with someone that looked exactly like them.

 **andPeggy:** this kind of reminds me of the twilight zone

 **FrenchFry:** i came out to have a good time and honestly im feeling a bit attacked.

 **Elrond:** you cant see me right now but i just face palmed

 **TheWittiest:** since no one else will say it, i will

 **TheWittiest:** good for you Laf

 **FrenchFry:** thanks Ang

 **AdotHam:** are you really congratualting him on sleeping with the devil

 **TheWittiest:** say what you want but that devil is good in bed

 **FrenchFry:** tru

 **GladinGladiator:** what

 **TurtlesEquality:** what

 **Elrond:** what

 **AdotHam:** WHAT!!!

 **andPeggy:** angelica

 **andPeggy:** my favorite sister

 **Elrond:** wtf peggy i thought i was your favorite

 **andPeggy:** shut up Eliza, im trying to make a point

 **andPeggy:** Angelica you didn't inform us that you slept with TJeff

 **TheWittiest:** it wasn't really important

 **TheWittiest:** i met him in france and one thing led to another

 **Elrond:** you said that nothing interesting happened when you were over there

 **TheWittiest:** i lied

 **TurtlesEquality:** not gonna lie, but im kind of curious now.

 **TutrlesEquality:** @AdotHam would you care if had sex with Jefferson

 **AdotHam:** YES I WOULD CARE.

 **AdotHam:** I CAN HANDLE MY FRIENDS FUCKING HIM BUT YOUR MY BOYFRIEND. HE'LL GIVE YOU COOTIES

 **AdotHam** changed there name to **TJeffHater**

 **FrenchFry:** we're going out to eat. I'll talk to you losers later.

 **FrenchFry left the chat**  
  
**TJeffHater:** if they're not back in a couple of hours im calling the police and telling them that Laf was kidnapped.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me at my tumblr here -
> 
>  
> 
> <http://myxdear.tumblr.com/>


	4. Lee Hate Group

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> andPeggy: @GladinGladiator we should pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies
> 
> GladinGladiator: okay, im down with that
> 
> TurtlesEquality: tf did i just witness?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me at my tumblr here - http://myxdear.tumblr.com/  
> FrenchFry: Lafayette  
> GladinGladiator: Hercules  
> TJeffHater: Alexander  
> TurtlesEquality: John  
> Elrond: Eliza  
> andPeggy: Peggy  
> TheWittiest: Angelica

**FrenchFry:** Jefferson could totally get it

 **Elrond:** didn't he already "get it"?

 **FrenchFry:** yeah, but thats not the point

 **TJeffHater:** do we seriously have to talk about TJeff?

 **TheWittiest:** does your name seriously have to be TJeffHater?

 **TJeffHater:** yes

 **TurtlesEquality:** we already know that you hate him, though

 **FrenchFry:** can you at least try to get along with my boyfriend?

 **GladinGladiator:** boyfriend?

 **andPeggy:** you can't just slip that into the conversation!!

 

 **TJeffHater** changed their name to **WtfLaf**

 

 **WtfLaf:** you're dating satan

 **TheWittiest:** that's a bit harsh

 **WtfLaf:** not really

 **FrenchFry:** he's more of an angel than he is satan

 **WtfLaf:** so you admit that he's a little bit like satan?

 **FrenchFry:** im not going to do this with you today hammy.

* * *

 

 **andPeggy:** everybody is in a relationship

 **andPeggy:** im lonely

 **andPeggy:** well,,, my vagina is lonely

 **Elrond:** im not in a relationship?

 **andPeggy:** yeah but you're ace

 **Elrond:** good point

 **TheWittiest:** im not in a relationship either

 **TurtlesEquality:** but you want to be with Adrienne.

 **GladinGladiator:** #shipit

 **TheWittiest:** idk where you got that from.

 **TheWittiest:** Adrienne is a good friend

 **GladinGladiator:** a good friend that you want to make out with

 **andPeggy:** not the point

 **andPeggy:** Alex has John and Laf now has Thomas and Angelica wants Adrienne

 **andPeggy:** i want someone

 **TurtlesEquality:** do you want a relationship or a fuck buddy?

 **andPeggy:**.... either is fine with me

 **andPeggy:** @GladinGladiator we should pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies

 **GladinGladiator:** okay, im down with that

 **TurtlesEquality:** tf did i just witness?

* * *

 

 **WtfLaf:** is serenading your boyfriends dick romantic?

 **Elrond:** idk try it and find out

 **TheWittiest:** probs not. You have a shitty voice

 **WtfLaf:** ,,,, rude

 **TurtlesEquality:** it's not romantic

 **TurtlesEquality:** it's actually hilarious. I feel like I should be recording this

 **WtfLaf:** you're not very good at being romantic either

 **TurtlesEquality:** lies

 **WtfLaf:** do you not remember valentine day last year?

 **Elrond:** what happened on valentines day

 **GladinGladiator:** is it what I think it is?

 **FrenchFry:** are you talking about that pic he sent you

 **TurtlesEquality:** yep.

 **Elrond:** im still confused

 **WtfLaf:** on valentines day last year John sent me a picture of his dick as a snake.

 **TheWittiest:** why???

 **TurtlesEquality:** i wanted to keep the romance alive

 **Elrond:** i thought that you guys got together like a week before valentines day.

 **WtfLaf:** we did

 **GladinGladiator:** you should send me the picture

 **TurtlesEquality:** why do you want a picture of my dick???

 **GladinGladiator:** it's your dick as a snake?

 **GladinGladiator:** why wouldn't i want to see that

 **FrenchFry:** I would ask to see it

 **FrenchFry:** but i've seen your dick /way/ to many times

 **TurtlesEquality:** why are we talking about my dick!?!?!

* * *

 

 **Elrond:** where's the chopping off someone's ball's emoji?

 **andPeggy:** idk i've been looking for it for a year when you find it let me know

 **TheWittiest:** who's ball's do you want to cut off?

 **FrenchFry:** i feel like the easier question would be to ask who's ball's do you not want to cut off

 **TheWittiest:** true

 **Elrond:** Lee shouldn't be allowed to have balls

 **WtfLaf:** agreed

 **TurtlesEquality:** i once attempted to cut them off when i was drunk

 **GladinGladiator:** @Elrond why do you want to remove Lee's ball's

 **Elrond:** he won't stop texting me

 **Elrond:** he keeps sending me pick up lines and I just want to put my head through a wall

 

**FrenchFry named the chat Lee Hate Group**


	5. It's Raining Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> FrenchFry: are you with him now?
> 
> AdotHam: yep
> 
> FrenchFry: what is he doing?
> 
> AdotHam: hes eating my teddy grahams and making little growling noises as he bites the heads off of them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FrenchFry: Lafayette  
> GladinGladiator: Hercules  
> AdotHam: Alexander  
> TurtlesEquality: John  
> Elrond: Eliza  
> andPeggy: Peggy  
> TheWittiest: Angelica  
> TheBest: Thomas Jefferson

**WtfLaf** changed their name to **AdotHam**

 **TurtlesEquality:** I just forgot that I was standing

 **Elrond:** how do you just forget?

 **TurtlesEquality:** idk

 **andPeggy:** are you okay

 **AdotHam:** he shrugged

 **AdotHam:** I think he forgot that you guys cant see him.

 **FrenchFry:** are you with him now?

 **AdotHam:** yep

 **FrenchFry:** what is he doing?

 **AdotHam:** hes eating my teddy grahams and making little growling noises as he bites the heads off of them.

* * *

 

 **TheWittiest:** guess who's coming home tomorrow?

 **GladinGladiator:** I thought you didnt want to leave the hotel that youre staying at

 **TheWittiest:** I dont

 **TheWittiest:** but im still coming home.

 **Elrond:** we should throw a surprise party for you when you get back

 **andPeggy:** it wouldn't be a surprise now

 **TurtlesEquality:** Angelica could pretend that it's a surprise

 **TheWittiest:** I don't want a party

 **FrenchFry:** why not?

 **TheWittiest:** because when I get home i'm probably going to want to sleep.

 **FrenchFry:** you're, how you say, a bore

 **Elrond:** Laf, honey...

 **Elrond:** I love you, you little bastard but we have talked about this. You know the term

 **andPeggy:** @TheWittiest I agree with the french bastard. Who sleeps after they get back from a trip

 **TheWittiest:** most people?

 **GladinGladiator:** so, no surprise party?

 **TheWittiest:** No, no surprise party.

* * *

 

 **GladinGladiator:** HI

 **AdotHam:** HI

 **GladinGladiator:** WERE YOUR WEATHER GIRLS AND HAVE WE GOT NEWS FOR YOU

 **AdotHam:** HUMIDITY IS RISING

 **TurtlesEquality:** (mmm rising)

 **andPeggy:** BAROMETER'S GETTING LOW

 **GladinGladiator:** (HOW LOW, GIRL?)

 **Elrond:** wth did they plan this???

 **AdotHam:** ACCORDING TO ALL OUR SOURCES

 **TurtlesEquality:** (what sources, now?)

 **FrenchFry:** it wouldn't surprise me if they did plan it

 **andPeggy:** THE STREETS THE PLACE TO GO

 **GladinGladiator:** (we'd better hurry up)

 **TurtlesEquality:** CAUSE TONIGHT FOR THE FIRST TIME. JUST ABOUT HALF-PAST TEN

 **AdotHam:** FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY

 **FrenchFry:** im insulted that I wasn't invited to join this

 **Elrond:** ^same

 **GladinGladiator:** IT'S GONNA START RAINING MEN

* * *

 

 **FrenchFry:** and I thought that Alexander hated Thomas more than thomas hated Alex

 **AdotHam:** i do

 **FrenchFry:** no, I don't think you do.

 **andPeggy:** oh shit

 **andPeggy:** what did TJeff do

 **TurtlesEquality:** lets invite him into the group chat

 **Elrond:** ohh lets!!

 **AdotHam:** I really thought that you two loved me

 **AdotHam:** I guess that I was wrong.

 **GladinGladiator:** yo Peggy just rolled her eyes so fucking hard

 **GladinGladiator:** im surprised that she didn't go blind.

 **TheWittiest:** are you with peggy?

 **GladinGladiator:** yes

 **TheWittiest:** alone? when have the two of you ever hung out alone?

 **andPeggy:** we hang out a lot. im surprised that you haven't noticed.

**TurtlesEquality has added TheBest to Lee Hate Group**

**TurtlesEquality:** why haven't we changed the chat name yet?

 **Elrond:** we're all to lazy to do it?

 **TheBest:** why the fuck am I here?

 **TurtlesEquality:** cause I want to know what you're saying about alex

 **AdotHam:** my boyfriend is defending my honor. :))

 **FrenchFry:** John, keep calm.

 **TheBest:** I didn't know that you were in this chat, my love

 **Elrond:** I kind of want to barf

 **AdotHam:** same

 **andPeggy:** haven't the two of you only been dating for a week or something??

 **FrenchFry:** two weeks

 **TheWittiest:** can we get back to John trying to fight Jefferson?

 **andPeggy:** yes

 **FrenchFry:** no

 **TurtlesEquality:** @TheBest do you hate Alex more than he hates you?

 **TheBest:** obviously

 **Elrond:** now that we have that solved can we kick him out of the chat yet?

 **TheBest:** you fuckers are being mean to me. I'm leaving.

**TheBest has left the chat**

**FrenchFry:** look at what you did!

**FrenchFry added TheBest to the chat**

**AdotHam:** even your username is pretentious

 **TheBest:** you're pretentious

 **AdotHam:** omg how am i ever going to handle a burn as sick as that one?

 **andPeggy:** children

 **andPeggy:** chill

**TheBest has left the chat**

**GladinGladiator:** I thought he'd never leave

 **Elrond:** lets throw a party in celebration

 **FrenchFry:** you guys are assholes

 **TurtlesEquality:** but you still love us.

 **FrenchFry:** true

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my tumblr here -
> 
> <http://myxdear.tumblr.com/>


	6. Hot Dads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TheWittiest: and hes actually pretty cool but last night i stayed at his place and i woke up to a noise coming from the wall and he told me that it was the family of owls that live in the wall and that i should go back to sleep
> 
> FrenchFry: wtf
> 
> AdotHam: thats fucking weird angelica
> 
> TheWittiest: ik but hes hot so its okay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me at my tumblr here - http://myxdear.tumblr.com/

**andPeggy:** @AdotHam would you be mad if I thought that washington was hot?

 **AdotHam:** I wouldnt be mad but the guy raised me so it would be a bit weird

 **andPeggy:** okay then i'll admire him from afar

 **FrenchFry:** @AdotHam tell him that i think that hes hot too

 **AdotHam:** No wtf you guys

 **GladinGladiator:** It's not our fault that your dad is hot

 **AdotHam:** hes not my dad

 **TurtlesEquality:** its sad that washington isnt single

 **AdotHam:** MY OWN BOYFRIEND???

 **AdotHam:** @TheWittiest @Elrond do you guys also have a crush on washington?

 **Elrond:** he's hot but nah

 **TheWittiest:** Ya know not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues

 **TheWittiest:** plus im much more into Martha

 **AdotHam:** smh i cant deal with this right now

* * *

 

 **TurtlesEquality:** holy shit

 **FrenchFry:** What???

 **GladinGladiator:** did you try to jump out of someone elses window?

 **TurtlesEquality:** do you ever plan on letting that go?

 **GladinGladiator:** nah

 **Elrond:** are you going to tell us what happened

 **TurtlesEquality:** yea I just remembered that I tried to kidnap a dog last night.

 **FrenchFry:** you just remembered?

 **TurtlesEquality:** Alexander showed me a video of me doing it  
  
**andPeggy:** @AdotHam you recorded it?

 **AdotHam:** why wouldn't i record it?

 **Elrond:** ^ good point

 **TheWittiest:** whos dog was it?

 **TurtlesEquality:** TJeff's

 **FrenchFry:** YOU TRIED TO STEAL MY BOYFRIENDS DOG?

 **TurtlesEquality:** yeah but in my defense Alex told me that it would be a good idea

 **GladinGladiator:** when has Alex ever had good advice?

 **AdotHam:** don't be a bitch herc

 **andPeggy:** thats a good point thou

 **TurtlesEquality:** at least i didnt actually kidnap the dog

 **FrenchFry:** good job -.-

* * *

 

 **GladinGladiator:** so @TurtlesEquality and @AdotHam got drunk last night

 **Elrond:** no shit

 **andPeggy:** do you have a point?

 **GladinGladiator:** i wasn't invited to get drunk

 **TurtlesEquality:** that wasn't the plan

 **TurtlesEquality:** we were originally on a date

 **TheWittiest:** you guys have the weirdest relationship.

 **GladinGladiator:** i never got a thank you for last night

 **AdotHam:** for?

 **GladinGladiator:** who do you think got you into bed and left water and medicine for you?

 **TurtlesEquality:** so it was you who did that?

 **AdotHam:** I thought that it was magic that did that

 **Elrond:** you're so weird hammy

 **GladinGladiator:** i got there to see Alex rubbing candy corn on his face saying "these are my bitches"

 **FrenchFry:** im glad that i wasnt there

 **TheWittiest:** same

* * *

 

 **TheWittiest:** my plane is delayed

 **andPeggy:** for how long

 **TheWittiest:** they said for an hour but the weather is supposed to be really bad tonight so idk it might be canceled

 **Elrond:** does that mean that I wont have to pick you up

 **TheWittiest:** not today you wont

 **GladinGladiator:** are you going to stay in an motel next to the airport then?

 **TheWittiest:** motels are to basic for me im gonna stay with this guy that i met

 **Elrond:** i shouldve know that you would meet someone while you were gone

 **andPeggy:** hes not as bad as the last one is he?

 **FrenchFry:** wasn't the last one thomas?

 **TheWittiest:** yeah

 **TheWittiest:** and hes actually pretty cool but last night i stayed at his place and i woke up to a noise coming from the wall and he told me that it was the family of owls that live in the wall and that i should go back to sleep

 **FrenchFry:** wtf

 **AdotHam:** thats fucking weird angelica

 **TheWittiest:** ik but hes hot so its okay

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** im done. im breaking up with @TutrlesEquality

 **andPeggy:** the two of you are perfect together!!!

 **FrenchFry:** don't split up our friend group like that

 **Elrond:** i think that he's kidding you guys

 **AdotHam:** no im not

 **andPegy:** whats the truth @TurtlesEquality

 **TurtlesEquality:** were not breaking up

 **Elrond:** what happened?

 **AdotHam:** we were chilling on the couch and I was almost asleep and he sat up and whipped his dick out and put it on my shoulder

 **GladinGladiator:** @TurtlesEquality dude wtf

 **TurtlesEquality:** @AdotHam its the same dick that you wrote a poem about last week

 **AdotHam:** 1) that poem was unintentional 2) your dick wasn't even hard it was just chillin' on my shoulder

 **andPeggy:** #relationship goals


	7. John André

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TurtlesEquality has changed their name to JdotLaurens
> 
> GladinGladiator: someone is staking their claim

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Is there a plot to this story? No!  
> Do I want to add a plot? Yes!  
> Am I going to add a plot? Probably Not! *inhuman screeching*

**TheWittiest:** I wouldn't recommend sleeping in an airport

 **GladinGladiator:** I wasn't planning on ever sleeping in one

 **AdotHam:** idk what you're talking about airports are a great place to sleep

 **Elrond:** ??? who likes to sleep in airports

 **FrenchFry:** Alex, obviously

* * *

 

 **andPeggy:** fuck The Fosters

 **Elrond:** the tv show

 **andPeggy:** yeah

 **TurtlesEquality:** she's throwing jolly ranchers at the screen

 **andPeggy:** THERE IS SO MUCH UNNECESSARY DRAMA IN THIS SHOW

 **GladinGladiator:** tru

 **AdotHam:** why are you watching it then?

 **andPeggy:** lesbian couple that doesn't die

 **FrenchFry:** i've never seen The Fosters

 **andPeggy:** come over to my apartment. I'm watching it on netflix so i'll pause it for you

 **FrenchFry:** i'm busy tho

 **andPeggy:** no you're not

 **FrenchFry:** you're right i'm not

 **FrenchFry:** i'll be over there in 10 minutes

 **GladinGladiator:** can i come over too?

 **TurtlesEquality:** you can come over as long as you and Peggy promise not to make out in front of me and Laf

 **GladinGladiator:** I promise

 **andPeggy:** i'm not promising shit

 **Elrond:** I would come over but i really am busy

 **TurtlesEquality:** doing what?

 **Elrond:** i'm helping Alex work on a paper for one of his classes

 **AdotHam:** I don't want to fail King's class so Eliza offered to help

 **andPeggy:** why would you fail

 **AdotHam:** cause King hates me

FrenchFry: king is a lil bitch

 **GladinGladiator:** ^^^^

 **Elrond:** I still don't understand why he hates you

 **AdotHam:** because he hates George and the man raised me so it's hate by association

 **TurtlesEquality:** I had his class last year and he was a crusty asshole

 **Elrond:** O K i'm done with this conversation

* * *

 

 **Elrond:** i'm at the airport with Alex waiting for Angelica's flight to land and I think that i've lost Alex

 **TurtlesEquality:** it's okay I lose him all the time

 **GladinGladiator:** he's tiny it's hard to avoid

 **andPeggy:** he's like a puppy he'll come back when he wants attention

 **AdotHam:** 1) i'm not lost

 **FrenchFry:** too bad

 **AdotHam:** 2) fuck you guys

 **Elrond:** whatever Alex hurry up and come back cause I just saw Angelica's plane land.

 **AdotHam:** i'm coming!

 **AdotHam** :... I stg if you make a joke John i'm gonna kick your ass

 **TurtlesEquality:** I wasn't going to make a joke!!

 **Elrond:** I see people walking out of the gates!!

 **andPeggy:** do you see Angelica?

 **Elrond:** no :((((((((

 **AdotHam:** she's here!!!

 **TheWittiest:** I'M BACK BITCHES

 **GladinGladiator:** YAY

 **TheWittiest:** I'm glad to see that you guys are all excited......

 **andPeggy:** how was your flight?

 **TheWittiest:** it was fine

 **Elrond:** it was fine because she had someone with her

 **FrenchFry:** huh?

 **Elrond:** some guy came running up after Angelica like two minutes after she found us and I guess that they came together

 **GladinGladiator:** you didn't say that you were bringing anyone with

 **TheWittiest:** couldn't help it

 **TheWittiest:** he said that he didn't have anything back in Cali that was important so I asked if he wanted to come back to New York with me and he agreed

 **AdotHam:** John's hella cute

 **TurtlesEquality:** thanks babe but now isn't really the time to compliment me 

 **TheWittiest:** HA

 **Elrond:** He's talking about a different John

 **Elrond:** Angelica's buddy is named John

 **TurtlesEquality:** Eliza keep Alex away from this /other/ John

 **AdotHam:** I can behave myself

 **GladinGladiator:** since when?

 **FrenchFry:** that's what I want to know

 **AdotHam:** i'll repeat myself,,,,, fuck you guys

 **Elrond:** don't worry @TurtlesEquality I got my eyes on your man

 **andPeggy:** is he really cute tho?

 **TheWittiest:** He's asking if he can be apart of the chat

 **GladinGladiator:** YES ADD HIM!

 **TurtlesEquality:** if you add him i'm going to consider this as an act of betrayal

 **TheWittiest:** i'll add him later

 **AdotHam:** to awnser your question Pegs

 **AdotHam:** he's so hot that my mouth is watering

 **TurtlesEquality:** did you forget that we're dating?

 **AdotHam:**  No. I can look as long as I don't touch

 **TheWittiest:** Are you jealous john?

 **TurtlesEquality:** No.

 **FrenchFry:** Don't believe him. He's totally jealous.

 **GladinGladiator:** is @AdotHam okay did you kill him Eliza

 **Elrond:** I would never kill him

 **Elrond:** I think....

 **TheWittiest:** @GladinGladiator he's busy talking to John

 **FrenchFry:** when are you going to add this mystery man to the chat

 **TheWittiest:** now if you want

 **FrenchFry:** YES

 **TurtlesEquality:** wtf

 **TurtlesEquality** has changed their name to **JdotLaurens**

 **GladinGladiator:** someone is staking their claim

**TheWittiest added AndreTheGiant to the chat**

**AndreTheGiant:** Hello

 **JdotLaurens:** hi

 **andPeggy:** so I hear that you're hot

 **AndreTheGiant:** I don't know how to respond to that

 **AdotHam:** It would be best if you didn't answer her

 **JdotLaurens:** so are you dating Angelica?

 **GladinGladiator:** translation: do I have to worry?

 **AndreTheGiant:** no we're just friends

 **FrenchFry:** are you the guy that has the family of owls in his wall?

 **AndreTheGiant:** that would be me

 **andPeggy:** so you're more than friends

 **TheWittiest:** No, we're friends that have seen each other naked

 **TheWittiest:** like you and Herc

 **andPeggy:** actually....

 **andPeggy:** we're officially dating now

 **FrenchFry:** i'm happy for you guys!

 

 **GladinGladiator:** thanks laf 

 **TheWittiest:** Eliza said that we have to get off of our phones because it's creeping her out that none of us are talking out loud so we gotta go bye!!!

 **AdotHam:** bye bitches!!!

 **AndreTheGiant:** bye!

 **JdotLaurens:** I don't like him

 **GladinGladiator:** of course you don't


	8. Snucked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AdotHam: my boyfriend is patting my head and telling me that he's gonna get me weed for my birthday
> 
> TheWittiest: did you expect John to get you anything else
> 
> AdotHam: no but he got me that last year
> 
> AdotHam:... and the year before that

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FrenchFry: Lafayette  
> GladinGladiator: Hercules  
> AdotHam: Alexander  
> JdotLaurens: John Laurens  
> Elrond: Eliza  
> andPeggy: Peggy  
> TheWittiest: Angelica  
> AndreTheGiant: John Andre

**andPeggy:** knowing two people named John is really fucking confusing

 **FrenchFry:** how??

 **andPeggy:** what am I supposed to call them when they're in the same room?

 **andPeggy:** "hey, john" "no,not you the other one"

 **Elrond:** refer to them by numbers?

 **AdotHam:** John #1 and John #2

 **TheWittiest:** how do we pick which one gets to be 1 and who gets to be 2

 **JdotLaurens:** i'm #1

 **AndreTheGiant:** why do you get to be #1?

 **JdotLaurens:** cause I was here first

 **GladinGladiator:** I vote that we throw them in a room together and who ever makes it out alive gets to be John #1

 **AdotHam:** it's like The Hunger Games but all the players are named John

 **JdotLaurens:** @AdotHam as my boyfriend I feel like you should be on my side

 **AdotHam:** im not picking sides

 **Elrond:** OoOoOoOoO you're losing control over your man @JdotLaurens

 **TheWittiest:** has anyone ever had control over Alex?

 **AdotHam:** you are all a bunch of dicks.

* * *

 

 **TheWittiest:** some people spend their lives looking for their soulmates who knew that mine was my roommate that is great at balancing her school work and her obsession with snow globes

 **FrenchFry:** are you talking about Adrienne?

 **TheWittiest:** who else would I be talking about?

 **FrenchFry:** it was just a question

 **andPeggy:** i'm actually surprised that she's admitting to it

 **AdotHam:** she's admitted to liking Adrienne before

 **JdotLaurens:** she wasn't sober though so I dont think that it counts

 **TheWittiest:** ANYWAYS LETS TALK ABOUT SOMETHING ELSE

 **GladinGladiator:** fine lets talk about Adrienne's crush on Angelica

 **TheWittiest:** she doesn't have a crush on me

 **Elrond:** yeah she does

 **TheWittiest:** no she doesn't

 **AndreTheGiant:** is Adrienne the person that I met the other day

 **TheWittiest:** yeah

 **AndreTheGiant:** she definitely has a crush on you

 **GladinGladiator:** HA

 **JdotLaurens:** this is the only time that i'm going to ever agree with John #2

 **AndreTheGiant:** we never agreed that I was #2

 **JdotLaurens:** no one said that you had to agree

 **GladinGladiator:** Laurens behave yourself

 **AdotHam:** you want john to behave? that's like telling Jefferson not to be a dick

 **FrenchFry:** you can't bully my boyfriend without him being here

 **AdotHam:** I just did

 **Elrond:** Alex is being feisty today

 **AdotHam:** I can't help it it's in my blood.

* * *

 

 **andPeggy:** i just snucked!!!! 0.0

 **Elrond:** are you alright Peggy

 **GladinGladiator:** I wouldn't say she's alright but she's been worse

 **TheWittiest:** what the fuck does /snucked/ mean

 **JdotLaurens:** it means that she sneezed and puked

 **AndreTheGiant:** how do you know what that means???

 **AdotHam:** John #1 is the drunk of the group I would be more scare if he didn't know what it meant  
  
**FrenchFry:** so peggy just decided to get drunk without us?

 **GladinGladiator:** pretty much

 **GladinGladiator:** she told me that I wasn't allowed to drink because I had to make sure that she didn't so anything stupid.

 **TheWittiest:** im surprised that she said that

 **Elrond:** it seems like she's becoming more responsible

 **AndreTheGiant:** wtf

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** so my birthday is coming up

 **FrenchFry:** we are very much aware

 **andPeggy:** is there a reason you're telling us

 **AdotHam:** i'm curious what you'll get me

 **AndreTheGiant:** I haven't known you long enough to know what to get you

 **AdotHam:** you dont have to get me anything but if you plan on getting me weed then you're too late

 **andPeggy:** what do you mean?

 **AdotHam:** my boyfriend is patting my head and telling me that he's gonna get me weed for my birthday

 **TheWittiest:** did you expect John to get you anything else

 **AdotHam:** no but he got me that last year

 **AdotHam:**... and the year before that


	9. Not Mariah Carey

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> TheWittiest: i'll give you the shovel talk later
> 
> NotMariahCarey: alright
> 
> JdotLaurens: try not to bring an actual shovel this time
> 
> TheWittiest: how else am I suppose to get my point across?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AdotHam: Alexander Hamilton  
> JdotLaurens: John Laurens  
> GladinGladiator: Hercules Mulligan  
> FrenchFry: Lafayette  
> andPeggy: Peggy Schuyler  
> Elrond: Eliza Schuyler  
> TheWittiest: Angelica Schuyler  
> AndreTheGiant: John Andre  
> NotMariahCarey: Maria Reynolds

**andPeggy:** why did I wake up to John making pancakes in my kitchen?

 **JdotLaurens:** im assuming that youre talking about the other john

 **andPeggy:** i am

 **AndreTheGiant:** did u not like the pancakes???

 **andPeggy:** no they were good but i would like to know why you were in my kitchen i thought that you were staying with angelica

 **AndreTheGiant:** i was but angelica and adrienne were making sex noises so i left

 **FrenchFry:** FINALLY

 **AndreTheGiant:** they'll probably deny it they were pretty drunk before it happened

 **FrenchFry:** fUCK

 **andPeggy:** YOU STILL HAVENT TOLD ME HOW YOU GOT INTO MY FUCKING APARTMENT

 **AndreTheGiant:** I stole the key off of Angelica's key chain

 **Elrond:** hA that's something that one of us would do

 **AdotHam:** it is.....

 **AdotHam:** CAN WE KEEP HIM!?!?!?

 **JdotLaurens:** no.

 **AdotHam:** :(((

 **Elrond:** to bad laurens we're gonna keep him

 **AndreTheGiant:** should I be excited?

 **FrenchFry:** Idk i've been friends with these freaks for years and I still don't know if im happy about it

 **JdotLaurens:** rude.

 **GladinGladiator:** these pancakes are the bomb @AndreTheGiant good job man

 **AndreTheGiant:** thanks :)

 **Elrond:** @GladinGladiator you spent the night at my little sisters place?

 **GladinGladiator:** yes......

 **Elrond:** did you use protection?

 **andPeggy:** ELIZA

 **Elrond:** ANSWER THE QUESTION HERCULES

 **GladinGladiator:** yes, I used protection.

 **Elrond:** good.

 **AndreTheGiant:**.....

 **AndreTheGiant:** how do we move on from that?

 **JdotLaurens:** fuck if I know

 **andPeggy:** @AndreTheGiant Maria likes your pancakes too

 **Elrond:** who's maria?

 **GladinGladiator:** mine and peggy's girlfriend

 **AdotHam:**  Maria Reynolds?

 **andPeggy:** do you know her?

 **Elrond:** hA yea he knows her

 **JdotLaurens:** ??

 **FrenchFry:** how long have you three been dating?

 **andPeggy:** only like two weeks

 **Elrond:** I want to meet maria

 **JdotLaurens:** you're being scary today liza

 **Elrond:** it's cause angelica isn't in this chat yet

 **AndreTheGiant** : is it normal to be scared of the Schuyler sisters?

 **GladinGladiator:** yes

* * *

  
**AdotHam:** I dont want to be an adult today

 **GladinGladiator:** if you dont want to be an adult what would you like to be?

 **AdotHam:** I dont fuckin know I just want some cookies and more coffee

 **JdotLaurens:** im willing to get you some cookies but you've already had 3 cups of coffee

 **Elrond:** it's 11 am how did you manage to drink 3 cups of coffee

 **AdotHam:** i dont see your point

 **andPeggy:** WHENS THE LAST TIME THAT YOUVE SLEPT?????

 **AdotHam:** idk why would I keep track of that?

 **JdotLaurens:** because if you don't sleep like you're supposed to you should keep track of when you sleep

 **AdotHam:** O K A Y F I N E

 **AdotHam:** I think it's been 34 hours since I last slept

 **JdotLaurens:** I watched you fall asleep last night

 **AdotHam:** I pretended to be asleep

 **AndreTheGiant:** jfc Alex are you a superhuman. how does one person stay awake for that long?

 **FrenchFry:** Alex isnt a superhuman he's just weird

 **AdotHam:** what have I done to you to deserve the insults

 **FrenchFry:** nothing, youre just an easy target

 **TheWittiest:** ^^^^^^

* * *

 

**TheWittiest >>>> andPeggy**

**TheWittiest:** so I just found out that my little sister now has a boyfriend /and/ a girlfriend

 **andPeggy:** so?

 **TheWittiest:** I don't know this new person

 **andPeggy:** would you like to meet her?

 **TheWittiest:** can you add her to the chat?

 **andPeggy:** I can

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** a Italian man just asked me to take a bath with him. I cant tell if hes eccentric or if hes just a creep.

 **FrenchFry:** my vote is that he's a creep

 **TheWittiest:** PEGGY IS ADDING MARIA TO THIS CHAT SO ACT NATURAL

 **JdotLaurens:** i dont think that we know what "natural" means

 **FrenchFry:** tru

 **GladinGladiator:** idk why im nervous

 **FrenchFry:** youre dating maria why would you be nervous

 **GladinGladiator:** I JUST SAID THAT I DIDN'T KNOW WHY I WAS NERVOUS

 **FrenchFry:** chillax herc

 **GladinGladiator:** i think i can do that

**andPeggy has added NotMariahCarey to Lee Hate Group**

**JdotLaurens:** we need to change the chat name

 **AdotHam:** why i like it

**TheWittiest changed the chat name to Trashaholics**

**NotMariaCarey:** heyyyyyy!!!

 **GladinGladiator:** hey babe!

 **NotMariahCarey:** so who's who?

 **andPeggy:** i'm peggy obviously

 **NotMariahCarey:** I guessed that

 **andPeggy:** :)

 **GladinGladiator:** im herc

 **NotMariahCarey:** I guessed that too :)

 **FrenchFry:** I go by they/them pronouns and i'm Marie-Joseph Paul Yves Roch Gilbert du Motier, Marquis de Lafayette

 **NotMariahCarey:** no offense but like....wth????

 **FrenchFry:** I would like it if you called me by my full name

 **NotMariahCarey:** do people really remember all of that

 **TheWittiest:** they do but no one calls them that

 **AdotHam:** tru they do this to everyone they meet

 **FrenchFry:** they're right you can call me Lafayette

 **NotMariahCarey:** what about Laffy Taffy?

 **FrenchFry:.**......

 **FrenchFry** changed their name to **Laffy Taffy**

 **TheWittiest:** i'm Angelica

 **TheWittiest:** Peggy's older sister

 **TheWittiest:** and probably the most frightening of the three of us

 **AndreTheGiant:** I would like to tell u that she's joking but she's not shes fuckin terrifying

 **NotMariahCarey:** okay...

 **JdotLaurens:** I'm John

 **NotMariahCarey:** hi john :)

 **AndreTheGiant:** i'm John too

 **NotMariahCarey:** ???

 **Elrond:** did you two plan this?

 **JdotLaurens:** i can't help it i like confusing people

 **AndreTheGiant:** you can call me Andre if you like

 **AndreTheGiant:** I also came into this group pretty late like you did

 **NotMariahCarey:** are they always like this??

 **AndreTheGiant:** i've known most of them for about two week

 **AndreTheGiant:** but yes they are.

 **JdotLaurens:** I guess you can call me Laurens

 **NotMariahCarey:** so Peggy, herc, angelica, laffy taffy, andre and laurens

 **NotMariahCarey:** who else do i have to meet

 **AdotHam:** i'm Eliza

 **Elrond:** and i'm alex

 **GladinGladiator:** -.-

 **AdotHam:** fine i'm alex

 **Elrond:** i suppose that makes me eliza

 **NotMariahCarey:** well it's nice to meet all of you i'm Maria Reynolds

 **TheWittiest:** i'll give you the shovel talk later

 **NotMariahCarey:** alright

 **JdotLaurens:** try not to bring an actual shovel this time

 **TheWittiest:** how else am I suppose to get my point across?

 **NotMariahCarey:** are you serious?

 **Elrond:** angelica doesn't joke around with these things

* * *

 

**AdotHam >>>>> JdotLaurens**

**AdotHam:** i cant believe that maria doesn't remember me

 **JdotLaurens:** why would she remember you?

 **AdotHam:** shit wrong person

* * *

 

**AdotHam >>>>> Elrond**

**AdotHam:** I can't believe that maria doesn't remember me

 **Elrond:** maybe she does

 **Elrond:** maybe she doesn't want to say anything in front of the others

 **AdotHam:** that makes sense

 **Elrond:** of course it does. I said it

 **AdotHam:** dont get cocky

 **Elrond:** plus, you didn't say your last name so maybe she didn't recognize you

 **AdotHam:** you make a good point

 **Elrond:** obviously.


	10. Little Lion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AdotHam: not true i have a friend outside of this
> 
> Elrond: who would wanna hang out with you
> 
> AdotHam: literally,,, all of you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AdotHam: Alexander Hamilton  
> JdotLaurens: John Laurens  
> GladinGladiator: Hercules Mulligan  
> Laffy Taffy: Lafayette  
> TheWittiest: Angelica Schuyler  
> andPeggy: Peggy Schuyler  
> Elrond: Eliza Schuyler  
> AndreTheGiant: John Andre  
> BitchYouWish: Maria Reynolds

**NotMariahCarey** changed their unsername to **BitchYouWish**

 **BitchYouWish:** do you like the new user name?

 **Laffy Taffy:** i dont get it

 **JdotLaurens:** do you get anything?

 **Laffy Taffy:** no need to attack me Johnny

 **JdotLaurens:** my names not johnny -.-

 **Laffy Taffy:** it is if I say it is

 **JdotLaurens:** what kind of logic is that?

 **Laffy Taffy:** it's my logic

 **Elrond:** you probably shouldnt argue with Laf they have a hard head

 **Laffy Taffy:** no i dont

 **Elrond:** yes you do

 **AdotHam:** youre so hard headed i could probably smash your head on a rock and the rock would break

 **Laffy Taffy:** you hurt me my lion

 **BitchYouWish:** my lion?

 **Laffy Taffy:** it's his nickname

 **BitchYouWish:** yea i understood that what i didn't understand was why that's his nickname

 **GladinGladiator:** he fell into the lion cage at the zoo once and instead of the lions attacking him they cuddled him.

 **AdotHam:** it was great

* * *

 

 **andPeggy:** ya know that episode of friends where someone knocks on the door and the friends can figure out who it is because all of their friends are in that room

 **Elrond:** iconic moment in friends history

 **AndreTheGiant:** what's your point Pegs

 **andPeggy:** I think that we're the friends

 **andPeggy:** do we have any friends outside of this chat

 **TheWittiest:** does adrienne count?

 **andPeggy:** i guess but none of us really hang out with her besides Laf and Angelica

 **GladinGladiator:** thats a shame i really like adri

 **GladinGladiator:** @TheWittiest give me adrienne's phone number i wanna hang out with her

 **TheWittiest:** text me in private i don't want some of these weirdos getting her number

 **AdotHam:** are you talking about me?

 **TheWittiest:** yes.

 **AdotHam:**......

 **andPeggy:** is there anyone other then adrienne?

 **BitchYouWish:** I wish i could help but i dont have many friends sooo

GladinGladiator: i'm your friend @BitchYouWish

 **BitchYouWish:** :)

 **JdotLaurens:** what about burr

 **AdotHam:** they're no longer apart of this friends group

 **AndreTheGiant:** who's burr?

 **AdotHam:** someone that i was friends with awhile ago.

 **JdotLaurens:** don't you think youre over reacting

 **AdotHam:** no we got into a fight and then they shot me with a paint ball

 **Laffy Taffy:** does thomas count???

 **JdotLaurens:** no because the only person in this chat that likes jefferson is you

 **Laffy Taffy:** :(

 **andPeggy:** SEE WHAT I MEAN??? WE HAVE NO OTHER FRIENDS

 **AdotHam:** not true i have a friend outside of this

 **Elrond:** who would wanna hang out with you

 **AdotHam:** literally,,, all of you

 **TheWittiest:** why do you have a friend outside of this group chat?

 **AdotHam:** i'm sorry?

 **JdotLaurens:** do you really have another friend?

 **AdotHam:** yes, you know him John

 **AdotHam:** actually i think that both the john's know him

 **AdotHam:** i think Laf knows him too

 **GladinGladiator:** do i know him?

 **AdotHam:** i doubt it

 **AndreTheGiant:** whats his name?

 **AdotHam:** ben

 **Laffy Taffy:** tallmadge?

 **AdotHam:** yea

 **Elrond:** isnt that your ex that we never met

 **AdotHam:** yea

 **AndreTheGiant:** i haven't seen that little bastard for what feels like forever

 **JdotLaurens:** you're friend with your ex?

 **AdotHam:** yea, aren't you friends with any of your exes

 **JdotLaurens:** i have two and they both hate me

 **andPeggy:** alex is annoying af but he's a fun person so I understand why he would still hang with an ex

 **BitchYouWish:** tru I consider alex a friend and we're exes

 **GladinGladiator:** did i read that right?

 **JdotLaurens:** you and alex are exes?

 **BitchYouWish:** more like an ex hookup

 **AdotHam:** surprise?

 **JdotLaurens:** that awkward moment when you know literally nothing about your boyfriend.

 **AdotHam:** @JdotLaurens are you mad

 **JdotLaurens:** that you slept with maria or that you didn't tell me?

 **Adotham:** both

 **JdotLaurens:** im mad that you didnt tell me

 **Elrond:** i know this is probably a bad time but i kind of feel like im watching an episode of jerry springer

 


	11. Cookie The Goat

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> andPeggy: im peggy the most amazing schuyler sister
> 
> Elrond: excuse you?
> 
> TheWittiest: fuck you, peggy

**AndreTheGiant:** why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen???

GladinGladiator: I found him and he looked lonely

 **andPeggy:** THERE IS A GOAT IN MY KITCHEN!?!?!?!

 **andPeggy:** @GladinGladiator why would you bring a goat into my kitchen?? and @AndreTheGiant why are you in my kitchen???

 **GladinGladiator:** his name is cookie and my landlord wouldnt let me bring the goat to my place

 **AndreTheGiant:** im in your kitchen cause I refuse to go back to angelica's place

 **AndreTheGiant:** too many sex noises

 **JdotLaurens:** Ang and Adri need to make up for some lost time it only makes sense

 **TheWittiest:** I wish you were here so i could flip you off

 **Elrond:** can i come over and meet "cookie"?

 **andPeggy:** no because this damn goat is leaving

 **GladinGladiator:** :(

 **andPeggy:** don't ":(" me

 **GladinGladiator:** ):

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** im never partying with laf ever again

 **BitchYouWish:** you partied with laf? and you didnt invite anyone else? rude.

 **AdotHam:** i tried to invite john and herc but john wont talk to me and herc was obviously busy getting a goat

 **GladinGladiator:** now im busy getting rid of a goat

 **Elrond:** why aren't you partying with laf again?

 **AdotHam:** they cant handle alcohol

 **TheWittiest:** is this new information

 **AdotHam:** i guess not....

 **Laffy Taffy:** I just woke up in a yard that i didnt recognize because a grandma was tapping me with her foot. What the fuck did I drink last night

 **AdotHam:** literally everything

 **TheWittiest:** you left laf in a strange yard last night?????!!!!!!

 **AdotHam:** they're bigger than me how was i suppose to get them back to his apartment?

 **Elrond:** idk it makes sense to me

 **JdotLaurens:** hell must be frozen over. someone actually agrees with Alex

 **BitchYouWish:** hA

 **Laffy Taffy:** whatever im not drinking again

 **AndreTheGiant:** you said that last week

 **JdotLaurens:** and the week before that

 **Elrond:** tru

 **Laffy Taffy:** assholes

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** can i invite someone into this chat?

 **TheWittiest:** who do you hate so much that you would expose them to this chat?

 **AdotHam:** 1) dont hate them 2) it's my friend ben

 **BitchYouWish:** you mean your ex

 **AdotHam:** idk I put him more in the category of friend than i do the ex category

 **JdotLaurens:** i think you should add him

 **LaffyTaffy:** im surprised that you are okay with that

 **JdotLaurens:** why?

 **Laffy Taffy:** you get extremely jealous

 **JdotLaurens:** i do not

 **andPeggy:** yea you do

 **TheWittiest:** ^^

 **AdotHam** has added **TallBoy to Trashaholics**

 **AdotHam:** everyone this is ben

 **AdotHam:** ben this is everybody

 **Tallboy:** nice to meet you everybody

 **TheWittiest:** pleasure to meet you as well

 **andeggy:** that was formal

 **TheWittiest:** WELL EXCUSE ME FOR WANTING TO MAKE A GOOD FIRST IMPRESSION

 **Elrond:** is your username a code word for your dick

 **BitchYouWish:** jfc

 **Tallboy:** tbh kinda

 **Laffy Taffy:** ;)

 **JdotLaurens:** wow laf

 **Laffy Taffy:** i cant help it

 **AdotHam:** @Tallboy do you know who everyone is or should we do introductions

 **Tallboy:** i was fine with figuring it out but honestly introductions would be great

 **Elrond** : im Elizabeth, but everyone calls me Eliza or liza but if you want you can call me queen E

 **TheWittiest:** someone has listened to too much of beyonce

 **Tallboy:** i didnt know that it was possible to listen to too much beyonce

 **AndreTheGiant:** neither did I

 **TheWittiest:** btw im angelica

 **AndreTheGiant:** we've met before but im John (andre)

 **Tallboy:** this is the last place that i thought that i would hear from you again

 **AndreTheGiant:** whats the first?

 **Tallboy:** tbh i didnt think that i would ever hear from you again

 **AndreTheGiant:** is me being here a problem?

 **Tallboy:** nah im just surprised

 **Laffy Taffy:** ANYWAYS, you know me, im lafayette. I'm sure you remember me, im hard to forget

 **Tallboy:** of course i remember you :)

 **GladinGladiator:** im hercules

 **Tallboy:**......... any connection to the disney movie?

 **GladinGladiator:** i will punt you out of a window

 **Tallboy:** okay...

 **JdotLaurens:** im john (laurens)

 **BitchYouWish:** maria

 **andPeggy:** im peggy the most amazing schuyler sister

 **Elrond:** excuse you?

 **TheWittiest:** fuck you, peggy

 **Tallboy:** this already seems like it'll be a fun chat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't planning on adding Ben to this, but I just finished season 3 of Turn and I couldn't help myself. Also, i was half asleep while I was writing this so if it seems all over the place then that's why.


	12. Most Likely

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> GladinGladiator: if alex asked you to sleep with Gwash would you do it
> 
> Tallboy: yes but i know washington and ive seen that man dance and let me tell you... he can shake those hips

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AdotHam: Alexander Hamilton  
> JdotLaurens: John Laurens  
> GladinGladiator: Hercules Mulligan  
> Laffy Taffy: Lafayette  
> TheWittiest: Angelica Schuyler  
> Elrond: Eliza Schuyler  
> andPeggy: Peggy Schuyler  
> BitchYouWish: Maria Reynolds  
> AndreTheGiant: John Andre  
> Tallboy: Benjamin Tallmadge

**AdotHam** : Laurens is like an untrained dog

 **JdotLaurens:** rude

 **GladinGladiator:** I agree

 **JdotLaurens:** of course you'd agree

 **AndreTheGiant:** did he try to pee on something of yours too

 **JdotLaurens:** how many times do i have to apologize for peeing on your hoodie

 **AndreTheGiant:** I WAS STILL WEARING IT WHEN YOU PEED ON IT

 **Elrond:** wtf John

 **Laffy Taffy:** @AdotHam why is john like an untrained dog?

 **AdotHam:** he tried to pee on on our bed... in the hallway...the kitchen...and the bathroom sink. When I finally got him to the toilet he fell asleep

 **JdotLaurens:** is that why i woke up on the bathroom floor?

 **AdotHam:** yes

 **TheWittiest:** that sounds like when a dog claims something

 **JdotLaurens:** IM NOT A DOG

 **Tallboy:** youre gonna have to talk in english because i don't understand dog

 **JdotLaurens:** ben wtf

 **Tallboy:** all i see is woof woof

 **JdotLaurens:** fuck you

 **Tallboy:** woof to you too

 **BitchYouWish:** omfg lmfao

* * *

 

 **AndreTheGiant:** guess who just got their own apartment?

 **Laffy Taffy:** idk who?

AndreTheGiant: .....me

 **andPeggy:** i made him. he wakes up way to early for him to live with me.

 **AndreTheGiant:** i wake up at a normal time

 **andPeggy:** 4am is not a normal time!!!!

 **AdotHam:** I dont even go to bed until 5am

 **AndreTheGiant:** ok so maybe i wake up a little early

* * *

 

 **Tallboy:** does anyone remember those "most likely" things in high school yearbooks?

 **Elrond:** or the "best __" ones

 **Laffy Taffy:** i thought that i would get a better one

 **BitchYouWish:** they have those in france

 **Laffy Taffy:** idk i moved to america at the beginning of high school

 **Elrond:** i remember i was voted most likely to become a nun

 **GladinGladiator:** youre like 95% sin thou

 **Elrond:** i know that but they didnt

 **TheWittiest:** I was voted most competitive

 **andPeggy:** it's true

 **TheWittiest:** i never said that it wasnt

 **andPeggy:** mine was the most likely to win the lottery but lose the ticket

 **JdotLaurens:** tbh i could see that being you

 **AdotHam:** I got voted most annoying but loved

 **AndreTheGiant:** well if that isn't you idk what is

 **AdotHam:** ben and i also got voted couple most likely to get married

 **Tallboy:** lol i remember that

 **GladinGladiator:** i didnt know that you and ben dated in high school

 **AdotHam:** when did you think we started dating

 **GladinGladiator:** i thought you started dating at the beginning of college

 **Tallboy:** nah we started dating in 10th grade and broke up a month after we went to college

 **Elrond:** damn..

 **Laffy Taffy:** I was voted biggest drama queen

 **JdotLaurens:** that doesn't surprise me

 **BitchYouWish:** i had the best smile

 **GladinGladiator:** you do

 **BitchYouWish:** :)

 **GladinGladiator:** :)

 **JdotLaurens:** i was most likely to marry a model

 **AdotHam:** am i your model?

 **JdotLaurens:** bitch you might be

 **AdotHam:** well arent you sweet

 **JdotLaurens:** i know its a gift

 **AndreTheGiant:** i wasnt voted anything

 **GladinGladiator:** same

 **BitchYouWish:** i'll give you two a title right now

 **BitchYouWish:** i gotta get my yearbook to find the categories

 **Elrond:** you have your high school yearbook lying around

 **BitchYouWish:** nah i have it packed away somewhere

 **andPeggy:** i'll do it since i have my yearbook out

 **andPeggy:** Andre youre most likely to be i'd when you're 30

 **AndreTheGiant:** ???

 **TheWittiest** : you do have a baby face

 **andPeggy:** and herc youre the most inspirational individual

 

 **GladinGladiator:** really?

 **andPeggy:** really. 

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** john and i just had sex

 **TheWittiest:** thanks for letting us know

 **BitchYouWish:** seriously alex if you ever have to wonder if you give us too much info then you probably are

 **AdotHam:** im telling you guys because after we got done he walked out of the apartment

 **JdotLaurens:** maybe if you didnt yell "buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came i would have stayed

* * *

 

 **GladinGladiator:** is anyone in this chat single?

 **AndreTheGiant:** i am

 **Tallboy:** same

 **Elrond:** i am but i plan on keeping it that way

 **GladinGladiator:** @AndreTheGiant @Tallboy my mom just told me she hasnt gotten laid in 7 years and im really disturbed but now i know why shes so cranky

 **AndreTheGiant:** are you asking us to sleep with your mom

 **GladinGladiator:** if shes okay with it

 **Tallboy:** im gonna pass

 **AndreTheGiant:** same

 **GladinGladiator:** shes a great lady though

 **AndreTheGiant:** im not gonna do it

 **GladinGladiator:** if alex asked you to sleep with Gwash would you do it

 **Tallboy:** yes but i know washington and ive seen that man dance and let me tell you... he can shake those hips

 **AndreTheGiant:** idk i havent met washington

 **TheWittiest:** i'd sleep with washington

 **andPeggy:** same

 **JdotLaurens:** probably

 **AdotHam:** WTF

 **BitchYouWish:** Gwash is a dilf

 **Laffy Taffy:** i've already slept with him but id do it again

 **TheWittiest:** OMG

 **GladinGladiator:** seriously??

 **AndreTheGiant:** did you cheat on thomas?

 **Laffy Taffy:** nah this happened before I met him

 **AdotHam:** I REPEAT WTF WHAT ABOUT MARTHA

 **Laffy Taffy:** she joined in

 **AdotHam:** YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO LOOK AT MY PARENTS AGAIN OMFG

 **Laffy Taffy:** that means that dolley cant look at them either cause she was there too

 **JdotLaurens:** Dolley was apart of this foursome?

 **Laffy Taffy:** oui 

 **Elrond:** isn't she with James?

 **Laffy Taffy** : I think they're in an open relationship 

 **AdotHam:** IM GONNA START CRYING

 **TheWittiest:** how was it?

 **AdotHam:** what kind of question is that!!!

 **Laffy Taffy:** it was amazing

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come find me at my tumblr here - http://myxdear.tumblr.com/


	13. The Get Down

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AdotHam: thomas is an ass pickle
> 
> Tallboy: an ass pickle?
> 
> AdotHam: yes, an ass pickle.
> 
> BitchYouWish: thats a mental image I could have lived without 
> 
> GladinGladiator: i cringe just thinking about it

**GladinGladiator:** me and peggy started watching The Get Down yesterday

 **JdotLaurens:** did you like it???

 **GladinGladiator:** lets just say that we started watching it yesterday and we finished it today

 **Tallboy:** The Get down is a blessing

 **Elrond:** ^^^^^^^^

 **BitchYouWish:** I've never seen it

 **andPeggy:** we asked you to watch it with us yesterday but you said you were busy

 **BitchYouWish:** I HAD TO WORK

 **andPeggy:** still...

 **GladinGladiator:** tbh id be down to watch it again if you want to watch it

 **andPeggy:** same

 **AdotHam:** can I watch it with you guys??

 **Laffy Taffy:** can I come too

 **GladinGladiator:** the more the merrier

 **TheWittiest:** I havent seen it either

 **AndreTheGiant:** ^^^ same

 **JdotLaurens:** wtf how could you have not seen it yet

 **AndreTheGiant:** idk i never thought to watch it

 **andPeggy:** fuck that y'all are coming over and we're gonna have a get down marathon

 **AdotHam:** yayyyy!!!!

* * *

 

 **andPeggy:** tbh I never thought that the date mates were going to come

 **TheWittiest:** do you not want Adrienne here??

 **andPeggy:** NO I LIKE ADRIENNE DONT MAKE HER LEAVE

 **TheWittiest:** wasnt planning on it

 **Laffy Taffy:** do you not want thomas here?

 **andPeggy:** i never said that

 **Tallboy:** you implied it

 **andPeggy:** ben, you can fuckin fight me

 **Elrond:** you should probs run ben

 **Laffy Taffy:** hes right thou

 **Laffy Taffy:** if you dont like thomas you can tell me

 **AdotHam:** i dont like thomas

 **Laffy Taffy:** not you hammy I already know that you dont like him

 **JdotLaurens:** everyone knows that alex hates thomas

 **AndreTheGiant:** i dunno why i've known thomas for an hour and I already like him

 **AdotHam:** give it more time.

 **AdotHam:** thomas is an ass pickle

 **Tallboy:** an ass pickle?

 **AdotHam:** yes, an ass pickle.

 **BitchYouWish:** thats a mental image I could have lived without

 **GladinGladiator:** i cringe just thinking about it

 **BitchYouWish:** honestly, thomas seems pretty cool

 **Laffy Taffy:** at least some people are on my side

 **andPeggy:** I never said that I didnt like thomas

 **andPeggy:** I just haven't seen him in a while ive got to get used to him again

 **TheWittiest:** thomas is an acquired taste

 **Elrond:** like an ass pickle

 **Tallboy:** if we keep talking about ass pickles im leaving

 **TheWittiest:** yes like an ass pickle

 **Tallboy:** omfg

**Tallboy has left the chat**

**JdotLaurens:** oh shit I didn't think that he'd really leave

 **AndreTheGiant:** props to him

 **AndreTheGiant:** I didnt think that you could leave this chat. I thought it was an endless pit of doom

* * *

 

 **Laffy Taffy:**  I would like to inform all of you that my eyebrows are perfect

 **Elrond:** when arent they

 **Laffy Taffy:** tru tru

 **Elrond:** but did you really fix your eyebrows in the middle of the night??

 **Laffy Taffy:** yes.

 **Elrond:** I feel like an apocalypse could happen and you would still have perfect eyebrows

 **Laffy Taffy:** Goddamn right. I might not survive the apocalypse but my eyebrows sure will.

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** shao totally fucking likes Ezekiel

 **JdotLaurens:** who doesn't like ezekiel

 **BitchYouWish:** im convinced that ra ra likes him

 **Elrond:** ^^^ i thought i was the only one who thought that

 **AndreTheGiant:** if mylene, shao and ezkiel got together they would be the best power couple

 **TheWittiest:** that'll never happen shao and mylene hate each other

 **AndreTheGiant:** they'll work it out for their love bunny

 **GladinGladiator:** love bunny?

 **AndreTheGiant:** don't judge me

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** YOU KNOW HOW TO READ MY MIND

 **JdotLaurens:** IM LOST AND ITS YOU I FIND

 **Elrond:** RUSHIN TO MY SIDE YOU HOLD ME TIGHT

 **BitchYouWish:** I KNOW WHEN TO TAKE A HINT

 **GladinGaldiator:** i leave the chat for a second and you all break into a musical number

 **AndreTheGiant:** wtf

 **Laffy Taffy:** I KNOW WHEN YOURE FEELIN BAD

 **TheWittiest:** MAKE YOU FEEL YOU CAN FEEL LIKE A MAN

 **AdotHam:** AND WHEN YOURE FEELIN BLUE I KNOW YOURE SAD

 **andPeggy:** I'LL GIVE YOU ALL MY LOVE

 **Laffy Taffy:** damn we should start a musical group

 **JdotLaurens:** CAUSE I KNOW, YEAH I KNOW

 **AdotHam:** I GOT YOUR BACK I DO

 **BitchYouWish:** BOO YOU KEEP ME SAFE FROM HARM

 **andPeggy:** OOH YOU TAKE ME IN YOUR ARMS CAUSE YOU KNOW ME. YEAH YOU KNOW ME

 **Elrond:** YOU'VE GOT TELEPATHY

 **AndreTheGiant:** I'VE GOT YOU AND YOU'VE GOT ME AND YOU KNOW ME

 **GladinGladiator:** fuck it

 **GladinGladiator:** WE'VE GOT TELEPATHY 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a while since i've updated, sorry. I hope you like this chapter. :)
> 
> Also, idk if you can tell but I started watching the get down and i love it. 
> 
> Check out my tumblr here   
> http://myxdear.tumblr.com/


	14. Bae me up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AndreTheGiant: youi neber tokd me thst your cat speakls germasn.
> 
> Elrond: "you never told me that your cat speaks german"
> 
> BitchYouWish: where would we be without eliza
> 
> Elrond: all of you would probably be dead in a ditch somewhere
> 
> GladinGladiator: you have very little faith in us
> 
> Elrond: is it not true????
> 
> GladinGladiator: no, its true...

**AndreTheGiant:** how does one start a relationship?

 **JdotLaurens:** fuck if I know. I woke up with alex in my bed one day and he said that we were dating.

 **BitchYouWish:** tbh that sounds like something alex would do

 **TheWittiest:** adrienne asked me out by saying that she wanted to "bae me up"

 **AdotHam:** thats cute I shouldve asked john out like that

 **Elrond:** "bae me up"... who says that

 **GladinGladiator:** adrienne, apparently

 **andPeggy:** ya know @TheWittiest you never told us how you and adrienne got together

 **Laffy Taff:** ^^ tru I wanna here the story

 **TheWittiest:** its not that great of a story.

 **TheWittiest:** she said that she wanted to bae me up and I said that I wanted her to bae me up

 **TheWittiest:** then we banged.

 **BitchYouWish:** how romantic

 **JdotLaurens:** thats one to tell the grand kids

* * *

 

 **andPeggy:** HALLOWEEN IS ALMOST UPON US

 **AdotHam:** THAT MEANS THAT HALLOWEENTOWN IS COMING ON SOON

 **Elrond:** HALLOWEENTOWN!!!

 **BitchYouWish:**!!!!!!HALLOWEENTOWN!!!!

 **andPeggy:** HALLOWENTOWN

 **GladinGladiator:** HALLOWEENTOWN!!

 **JdotLaurens:** im friends with a bunch of 5 year olds

 **Laffy Taffy:** you love halloweentown too

 **JdotLaurens:** tru tru

 **AndreTheGiant:** ive never seen halloweentown

 **AdotHam:** quick question

 **AndreTheGiant:** ?

 **AdotHam:** have you been living under a rock?

 **AndreTheGiant:** not that im aware of

 **Laffy Taffy:** its okay @AndreTheGiant when I first came to america i hadnt seen halloweentown either

 **TheWittiest:** youre from france lafayette you have an excuse

 **TheWittiest:** andre is from new york he doesnt have the same excuse

 **Elrond:** @AndreTheGiant seriously how have you never seen halloweentown??

 **AndreTheGiant:** IDK

 **JdotLaurens:** come over to mine and alex's place. Alex owns all of them on dvd

 **andPeggy:** YOU HAVE HALLOWEENTOWN ON DVD AND YOU DIDNT TELL US

 **AdotHam:** IT HAD TO BE A SECRET

 **andPeggy** : WHY

 **AdotHam:** BECAUSE HAVING HALLOWEENTOWN ON DVD IS A A LOT OF POWER AND WITH POWER COMES A BIG RESPONSIBILITY

 **andPeggy:** FUCK THAT, COME OVER HERE SO I CAN KICK YOUR ASS

 **AdotHam** : WHY???

 **andPeggy:** FOR NOT SHARING HALLOWEENTOWN WITH US

 **GladinGladiator:** tbh that sounds pretty reasonable. you dont hide hallowentown from your friends.

 **AdotHam:** :( i'll let you guys borrow them

 **andPeggy:** okay

 **andPeggy:** you're forgiven.

* * *

 

 **JdotLaurens:** when i invited the other john over I honestly wasnt planning on getting him drunk

 **GladinGladiator:** is he okay??

 **Laffy Taffy:** hes with alex and john

 **Laffy Taffy:** he's probably not okay

 **AndreTheGiant:** ikm fine

 **TheWittiest:** at least hes alive

 **AndreTheGiant:** i dijdnt knoiw that laurensd snd jhammy haf a vat

 **BitchYouWish:** ???

 **Elrond:** i'll translate

 **Elrond:** "I didn't know that laurens and hammy had a cat"

 **AdotHam:** aww he called me hammy

 **andPeggy:** y'all motherfuckers have a cat

 **JdotLaurens:** yes, his name is tommy

 **BitchYouWish:** why tommy?

 **AdotHam:** cause he's a tomcat and I thought it was funny

 **AndreTheGiant:** youi neber tokd me thst your cat speakls germasn.

 **Elrond:** "you never told me that your cat speaks german"

 **BitchYouWish:** where would we be without eliza

 **Elrond:** all of you would probably be dead in a ditch somewhere

 **GladinGladiator:** you have very little faith in us

 **Elrond:** is it not true????

 **GladinGladiator:** no, its true...

 **TheWittiest:** can we get back to the german speaking cat?

 **Laffy Taffy:** maybe thats why the cat doesn't understand me

 **andPeggy:** honestly though, did you get him high or something?

 **AdotHam:** he couldve gotten into some of john's edible weed

 **Elrond:** you told me you ran out @JdotLaurens

 **JdotLaurens:** I lied

 **Laffy Taffy:** okay, so I think its safe to say that Laurens and alex are never allowed to baby sit another member of this group

 **JdotLaurens:** he's having a great time though!

 **TheWittiest:** he thinks your cat is speaking german!

 **JdotLaurens:** you make a good point...

* * *

**AdotHam:** im gonna cry

 **Elrond:** why whats wrong

 **AdotHam:** asfdhjuytrgf

 **JdotLaurens:** theres a spider on him

 **GladinGladiator:** 0.0 I feel your pain ham man

 **JdotLaurens:** he wants me to kill it

 **BitchYouWish:** is he just standing there with a spider on him

 **JdotLaurens:** yup

 **TheWittiest:** kill the spider laurens

 **Laffy Taffy:** im glad im not dating you

 **JdotLaurens:** why im a great boyfriend

 **Laffy Taffy:** YOURE TEXTING US WHILE ALEXANDER HAS AN EVIL CREATURE ON HIM

 **JdotLaurens:** tru but this spider is fucking scary

 **andPeggy:** arent they all

 **JdotLaurens:** yes

 **JdotLaurens:** but this one is red and the size of my palm

 **BitchYouWish:** damn

 **GladinGladiator:** it sounds like the devil maybe you should call a priest

 **Elrond:** poor alex, he has to sit there with the devil crawling on him

 **JdotLaurens:** hes not sitting, he's rolling around screaming

 **Laffy Taffy:** I dont blame him I would too

 **andPeggy:** ^^^

 **BitchYouWish:** why wont you kill it?

 **JdotLaurens:** because im standing in the corner hoping that the spider might just burst into flames

 **TheWittiest:** you are honestly the worst person to have in a crisis

 **JdotLaurens:** i know

 **andPeggy:** its a good thing that you know

 **JdotLaurens:** at least I don't have to do it

 **GladinGladiator:** what makes you say that

 **JdotLaurens:** andre just woke up and walked over to alex with his eyes shut and killed the spider

 **JdotLaurens:** he went back to the couch and fell back to sleep

 **BitchYouWish:** at least now we know which john to call when theres a spider

 **AdotHam:** i want a divorce

 **JdotLaurens:** we're not married

 **AdotHam:** lets get married so I can divorce you

 **JdotLaurens:** just because I wouldnt kill a spider??

 **AdotHam:** YES.

 **AdotHam:** if I dont kill the spiders and you dont kill the spiders, then who kills the spiders in this relationship?

 **JdotLaurens:** idk, but I had a good reason to not go anywhere near that demon

 **AdotHam:**...... im divorcing you

 **Elrond:** we should call burr if you guys are getting a divorce

 **AdotHam:** NO

 

* * *

 

 **GladinGladiator:** Yeah, play that fuckin’ xylophone. Bash the shit out of that musical instrument!

 **andPeggy:** ???

 **GladinGladiator:** im playing SIMS

 **andPeggy:** oh that makes sense

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my tumblr here -  
> http://myxdear.tumblr.com/


	15. Alex Jr.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> AdotHam: like I said, FUCK MY LIFE
> 
> TheWittiest: If it makes you feel any better about life i'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with no socks because ya know fuck it
> 
> AdotHam: idk why but that actually makes me feel better

**GladinGladiator:** rawr 

 **BitchYouWish:** please. just. dont

 **AdotHam:** please tell this isnt going where I think this it is

 **andPeggy:** @GladinGladiator I will pay you money not to

 **GladinGladiator:** I was just saying i love you in dinosaur

 **JdotLaurens:** no

 **AndreTheGiant:** no

 **Laffy Taffy:** no

 **TheWittiest:** no

 **Elrond:** rt x4

 **GladinGladiator:** rawr :(

 **AdotHam:** what does that rawr mean?

 **GladinGladiator:** thats I hate you all in dinosaur 

**JdotLaurens:** Im disowning you from my friend group

* * *

  
 **andPeggy:** dollar store pregnancy tests for when you kinda want to know

 **GladinGladiator:** ?

 **andPeggy:** I forgot you were in this chat

 **GladinGladiator:** @BitchYouWish did you know?

 **BitchYouWish:** im the one that told her to buy a test

 **JdotLaurens:** They have marijuana tests too!!

* * *

  
 **AdotHam:** fuck my life 

**TheWittiest:** what happened?

 **AdotHam:** king is failing me and I don't know how im gonna pass this fuckin class

 **Laffy Taffy:** isn't that against the law? failing a student was you dont like them

 **AndreTheGiant:** probably

 **BitchYouWish:** are you sure that your work for that class is good though

 **Elrond:** I do my work with him half the time and let me tell you, Alex should be at the top of that class

 **AdotHam:** like I said, FUCK MY LIFE

 **TheWittiest:** If it makes you feel any better about life i'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with no socks because ya know fuck it

 **AdotHam:** idk why but that actually makes me feel better

* * *

  
 **JdotLaurens:** Lafayette and I are on campus right now and a bunch of cops are walking around

 **BitchYouWish:** WHY

 **JdotLaurens:** there looking for something cause they're stopping random students and going through their stuff

 **Elrond:** do you have anything illegal on you? 

**JdotLaurens:** no 

**Elrond:** well that's good

 **JdotLaurens:** they're walking towards us

 **Laffy Taffy:** If a cop comes up to me i swear im whipping my cock out, swinging it around and singing the national anthem 

**AndreTheGiant:** RECORD IT

 **Laffy Taffy:** if you wanted to see little laffy you couldve just said so @AndreTheGiant ;)

 **TheWittiest:** "little laffy"

 **AndreTheGiant:** dont you have a boyfriend?

 **Laffy Taffy:** im sure that Thomas would be okay with it. tbh he'd probably want to join

 **AdotHam:** you cant see him right not but he's blushing really hard

* * *

  
 **BitchYouWish:** you pee on the stick yet @andPeggy

 **andPeggy:** no

 **BitchYouWish:** why??

 **andPeggy:** because i dont have to pee

 **Elrond:** I just saw you drink your body weight in dr pepper 

**GladinGladiator** : youre so tiny how can you hold so much soda

 **andPeggy:** God gives us all gifts and mine is being able to drink a shit load soda without having to piss

 **AndreTheGiant:** well I know who im gonna bring with me on a road trip now 

* * *

**TheWittiest:** I've banned the recreational use of bayonets 

 **JdotLaurens:** what am I supposed to do for fun now

 **TheWittiest:** NOT PLAY WITH BAYONETS 

* * *

 

 **JdotLaurens:** It's 6pm, im drunk, and just got off the phone with my dad. 

 **AdotHam:** why are you drunk?

 **JdotLaurens:** weren't you listening I just got off the phone with my dad. I have to be drunk to talk to him. 

 **TheWittiest:** where are you??

 **JdotLaurens:** guess!

 **GladinGladiator:**....

 **JdotLaurens:** if you guessed a McDonalds playpen then you're right!! Badabababa i'm lovin it

* * *

 **andPeggy:** THIS JUST IN: I have peed on the stick 

 **GladinGladiator:** what does it say? 

 **andPeggy:** nothing yet give it a minute

 **AndreTheGiant** : if it's positive can I be the dad

 **GladinGladiator:** I would be the dad 

 **andPeggy:** you can be an uncle andre

 **AndreTheGiant:** !!!!

 **andPeggy:** lines are showing up!

 **TheWittiest:** do you want it to be positive

 **andPeggy:** IDK

 **AdotHam:** tell us what it says!!!

 **andPeggy:** oh shit..

 **Laffy Taffy:** WHAT???

 **andPeggy:** it's positive 

 **andPeggy:** im gonna be a mom.....

 **Elrond:** I never thought i'd see the day where you'd say that 

 **GladinGladiator:** IM GONNA BE A DAD

 **BitchYouWish:** im gonna be a..?

 **andPeggy:** you'd also be the mom if you want 

 **BitchYouWish:** YO IM GONNA BE A MOM 

 **Elrond:** IM GONNA BE AN AUNT

 **JdotLaurens:** IM SO EXCITED 

 **TheWittiest:** quick question?

 **GladinGladiator:** yes?

 **TheWittiest:** how are you gonna afford a baby?

 **GladinGladiator:** I didn't think about that

 **TheWittest:** just sayin, all three of you are college students 

 **BitchYouWish:** you're a college student too

 **TheWittiest:** yea but im not pregnant 

 **andPeggy:** I can always call dad

 **Elrond:** you still talk to him

 **andPeggy:** no but im gonna try to talk to him anyways

 **Laffy Taffy:** this is an upsetting topic lets change it

 **andPeggy:** im down with that

 **AdotHam:** YOURE GONNA HAVE A BABY

 **andPeggy:** IM GONNA HAVE A BABY

 **AdotHam:** YOURE GONNA NAME IT ALEX JR

 **andPeggy:** NO IM NOT

 **AdotHam:** .... can't blame a guy for trying 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I should be updating "The Beast You've Made of Me" but i'm putting that off and updating this. 
> 
> Check out my tumblr here -
> 
> <http://myxdear.tumblr.com/>


	16. Vodka Mom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BitchYouWish: what if it's a girl?
> 
> AdotHam: ...you could still call her alex jr 
> 
> GladinGladiator: honestly, I wouldn't curse my child by naming them after you

**JdotLaurens:** nothing kills the mood more than a song about jesus

 **AndreTheGiant:** did alexander play gospel music again?

 **JdotLaurens:** no our neighbors blast gospel music when alex and I are in the middle of the frickle frackle

 **AndreTheGiant:** that's the best way of saying that y'all need jesus

 **BitchYouWish:** tbh I can't get past "frickle frackle"

* * *

 **GladinGladiator:** ya know 'vodka aunt' and 'wine mom'?

 **Laffy Taffy:** yes I believe im the wine mom

 **AdotHam:** honestly, whenever anyone asks me what a wine mom is I just tell them about Laf

 **Laffy Taffy:** im flattered, little lion

 **AdotHam:** :-)

 **BitchYouWish:** what's your point @GladinGladiator

 **GladinGladiator:** my point is that you and peggy are gonna be vodka mom's.

 **andPeggy:** tru

 **Elrond:** i've never thought about that before but now that you bring that up that actually makes a lot of sense

 **BitchYouWish:** if pegs and I are vodka mom's then what are you?

 **GladinGladiator:** probs a beer dad

 **TheWittiest:** when this baby is born I have a feeling that herc is gonna invite us all to a barbecue

 **GladinGladiator:** if I did would you come?

 **TheWittiest:** will there be tuna salad?

 **GladinGladiator:** if you want

 **TheWittiest:** then count me in

* * *

 **AdotHam:** @BitchYouWish @andPeggy @GladinGladiator I still think that you should name your child Alex jr

 **andPeggy:** why would we do that

 **AdotHam:** because you love me?

 **andPeggy:** that's debatable

 **AdotHam:** :-(

 **BitchYouWish:** what if it's a girl?

 **AdotHam:** ...you could still call her alex jr

 **GladinGladiator:** honestly, I wouldn't curse my child by naming them after you

 **AdotHam:** I offer up my name for you to use but all I get in return is abuse

* * *

 **JdotLaurens:** I really love alex

 **AdotHam:** aw I love you too

 **JdotLaurens:** no like I REALLY REALLY love you

 **BitchYouWish:** that kind of sounds scary

 **JdotLaurens:** im not kidding when I look at you my heart literally goes BOOM!!

 **AdotHam:** same tho

 **AdotHam:** where are you I wanna kiss your face

 **JdotLaurens:** im at home

 **AdotHam:** I'll be there in 10 minutes

 **Elrond:** alex just left in the middle of class....

 **Laffy Taffy:** I didn't know that it was possible to get alex to skip out on class

 **AndreTheGiant:** now that's love

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** John has very nice lips

 **AndreTheGiant:** are you texting us while making out

 **AdotHam:** yes

 **Laffy Taffy:** why???

 **AdotHam:** all of you need to know how soft my boyfriend's lips are

 **Laffy Taffy:** I already know how soft they are

 **AdotHam:** ..... let's talk about that later

 **Laffy Taffy:** okay

 **GladinGladiator:** Alexander, if you don't put that phone down and pay attention to your making out, I will go over there are kiss john myself

 **AdotHam:** I really wish you were here so I could flip you off

 **BitchYouWish:** this conversation is making me want to kiss my love buddies

 **AndreTheGiant:** love buddies is a really cute term

 **BitchYouWish:** I know!

 **andPeggy:** get over here @BitchYouWish or herc and I will start without you

 **BitchYouWish** : as soon as I got that text I literally started sprinting to your apartment

 **TheWittiest:** I feel left out..

 **TheWittiest:** i'm calling adrienne

 **Elrond:** wtf did cupid hit y'all with a fucking arrow??

 **Laffy Taffy:** probably because I have the urge to make out with thomas

 **AndreTheGiant:** I have no one to kiss

 **Elrond:** I dont want to kiss anyone.

 **AndreTheGiant:**....

 **AndreTheGiant:** wanna come over and play crash bandicoot

 **Elrond:** obviously

* * *

 **AndreTheGiant:** is everyone done making out

 **AdotHam:** yeah 

 **AndreTheGiant:** it took you an hour to finish making out

 **AdotHam:** no, it took us 30 minutes 

 **AndreTheGiant:** what were you doing for the other 30?

 **AdotHam:** you don't wanna know

 **AndreTheGiant:** well, are you done now?

 **AdotHam:** done with round 1 

 **AdotHam:** we just took a little water break

 **AndreTheGiant:** ya know there are just some things that I don't need to know 

* * *

 **Laffy Taffy:** Im shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad? 

 **BitchYouWish:** ........I want your life 

 **Laffy Taffy:** same

 **BitchYouWish:** you cant "same" that 

 **Laffy Taffy:** Well I just did

 **BitchYouWish:** fine, whatever 

* * *

 

 **Elrond:** charmed is where it's at

 **GladinGladiator:** you're watching charmed without us?!?

 **Elrond:** EVERYONE WAS BUSY FUCKING WHAT WAS A I SUPPOSED TO DO

 **AndreTheGiant:** also it's both Eliza and mines favorite show 

 **TheWittiest:** I can't believe I missed charmed 

 **Elrond:** we would invite you over to watch it but you guys are all busy 

 **BitchYouWish:** Im not busy!!

 **andPeggy:** yeah I could put everything off to watch charmed

 **AndreTheGiant:** hmm

 **AndreTheGiant:** what do you think Eliza?

 **Elrond:** I think that we should continue watching charmed and not let them watch it with us

 **AndreTheGiant:** agreed!

 **andPeggy:** you guys are evil 

 **BitchYouWish:** will you at least tell us what's happening in the episode your watching

 **Elrond:** let me think about it...

 **Elrond:** no. 

* * *

 

 **JdotLaurens:** our neighbors have the coolest Halloween decorations 

 **TheWittiest:** it's only the 3rd...

 **TheWittiest:** who puts decorations up this early. 

 **andPeggy:** a lot of people put decorations up this early

 **JdoLaurens:** the question is why we haven't started decorating 

 **AdotHam:** we have a witch hiding in a box somewhere I could hang her up

 **Laffy Taffy:** out of context that sentence is terrifying 

* * *

 

 **Elrond:** im sleepy

 **BitchYouWish:** Im tired

 **GladinGladiator:** whats the different

 **AdotHam:** sleepy is like a cute form of tired and tired is like being awake for several days and 4 cups of coffee

 **Elrond:** rt

 **BitchYouWish:** ^ 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check out my tumblr here -
> 
> <http://myxdear.tumblr.com/>


	17. Why Do You Have So Many Pennies?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> JdotLaurens: sometimes I like to swing my Weiner around like a helicopter
> 
> Elrond: "wiener"
> 
> AndreTheGiant: same

**AdotHam** : I'm soooo tired today

 **BitchYouWish** : same

 **AdotHam** : lmfao who am I kidding. I so tired this decade

 **TheWittest** : alex I think you're my spirit animal

 **AdotHam** : did you just call me an animal?

 **TheWittiest** : yeah you got a fucking problem?

 **AdotHam** : nah

 **Elrond** : tbh tho alex you're like an animal cause no human rubs against my leg like you do

 **AdotHam** : that's it. I hate the Schuyler sisters

 **andPeggy** : what did I do to you??

 **AdotHam** : you won't name your spawn alex

 **andPeggy** : you're a petty bitch

 **JdotLaurens** : tell us something we don't know

 **AdotHam** : you're my boyfriend you should be defending me!!!

 **JdotLaurens** : but it's true

 **AdotHam** : but still

 **JdotLaurens** : its true

 **AdotHam** : but /still/

 **Laffy Taffy** : its true tho little lion

 **AdotHam** : that's it I'm firing y'all

 **GladInGladiator** : firing us from what??

 **AdotHam** : from being my friends.

 **Elrond** : FINALLY

* * *

 

 **Elrond** : John is no longer allowed to sleep over at my house

 **AndreTheGiant** : I haven't slept over at your house yet so I'm assuming you meant the other one

 **Elrond** : yes I'm talking about the other one

 **GladInGladiator** : LAURENS IS A FUCKING TERROR

 **BitchYouWish** : I second this

 **TheWittiest** : I know why you're pissed off at him herc but why are you seconding this Maria

 **BitchYouWish** : the other week I woke up at 3am to find Laurens in my living room dancing to the Beyoncé with a slice of ham on his head

 **Laffy Taffy** : I love how john is absent from this conversation. I wonder if he knows we're talking about him

 **AdotHam** : he knows. He's reading the conversation over my shoulder.

 **andPeggy** : HI JOHN

 **AndreTheGiant** : hi other John

 **AdotHam** : he said hi Peggy, Andre and Angelica

 **GladInGladiator** : what about the rest of us?

 **AdotHam** : he said "fuck you"

 **BitchYouWish** : how pleasant

 **Elrond** : fuck you too! You kicked my dad in the nuts!

 **JdotLaurens** : Peggy was upset with him so I had to do something

 **Elrond** : I had to deal with his ranting afterwards tho

 **JdotLaurens** : yo sorry Eliza

 **Elrond** : I'll forgive you this time

 **Laffy Taffy** : /this time/ it sounds like you expect him to do it again

 **Elrond** : that's cuz I do

 **JdotLaurens** : I probably will

* * *

 

 **Laffy Taffy** : I accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again

 **Laffy Taffy** : I really need to watch myself

 **BitchYouWish** : has this happened before

 **Laffy Taffy** : it happens about once a week

 **AndreTheGiant** : that doesn't surprise me

 **Laffy Taffy** : aww you think I'm cute

 **AndreTheGiant** : obviously. I think everyone thinks your cute Lafayette

 **AdotHam** : I ship it

 **Laffy Taffy** : I have a boyfriend Alexander

 **AdotHam** : so?

 **JdotLaurens** : wrong answer ^

 **AdotHam** : let me rephrase that.

 **AdotHam** : fuck Jefferson!

 **Laffy Taffy** : I do. Sometimes twice a day

 **AdotHam** : tmi laf

 **Laffy Taffy** : you started it

* * *

 

 **JdotLaurens** : sometimes I like to swing my Weiner around like a helicopter

 **Elrond** : "wiener"

 **AndreTheGiant** : same

* * *

 

 **TheWittiest** : ya know the song "fuck Donald trump"

 **AdotHam** : yes I listen to it every day

 **BitchYouWish** : it's my ring tone

 **TheWittiest** : I'm gonna blast it really loud in front of trump supporters

 **Laffy Taffy** : they might kill you

 **TheWittiest** : you're right, I'll probably die but it'll be worth it

* * *

 

 **andPeggy:** you make my balls so blue

 **Laffy Taffy:** they're hanging sadly

 **andPeggy:** what did they do to you that you hate them so?

 **Laffy Taffy:** don't run from me -- they're all beat up like a tackling dummy

 **andPeggy:** they long for your embrace

 **Laffy Taffy:** they're warm like mittens

 **TheWittiest:** why does no one warn us when they plan to break out into a musical number

 **AndreTheGiant:** idk but I'm amused

 **GladInGladiator:** why did the two of you pick this song?

 **andPeggy:** they'll curl up on your face

 **Laffy Taffy:** and purr like kittens

 **andPeggy:** you make my balls so blue!!!

 **Elrond:** I would clap but I don't really want to

* * *

 

 **Laffy Taffy:** remember that time I walked in on Alexander masturbating to one of John's instagram pics

 **JdotLaurens:** I DIDNT KNOW ABOUT THIS

 **AdotHam:** that's cause I told laf that if they told anyone I would bit their ear off

 **BitchYouWish:** why the ear?

 **AdotHam:** I made the most sense

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** should I be working out? Probably

 **AdotHam:** am I going to work out? Hell no

 **AdotHam:** what will I do? Drink wine and take nudes in thigh highs

 **AndreTheGiant:** WOW

 **AdotHam:** good wow or bad wow?

 **AndreTheGiant:** tbh I don't know

 **GladInGladiator:** John is literally so excited he's shaking

* * *

 

 **Laffy Taffy:** I'm going out to lunch

 **TheWittiest:** fancy

 **Laffy Taffy:** I'm going with Thomas and dolley

 **GladInGladiator:** dolley madison?

 **Laffy Taffy:** yea

 **GladInGladiator:** didn't you have a foursome with her and Alex's parent

 **Laffy Taffy:** yeah that was a lot of fun

 **AdotHam:** WHY DO WE HAVE TO BRING THAT UP??

 **GladInGladiator:** cause it's fun watching you freak out

 **Laffy Taffy:** have you ever met dolley before little lion?

 **AdotHam:** once. she was trying to slit some guys tires

 **BitchYouWish:** what did you do??

 **AdotHam:** i helped

* * *

 

 **AdotHam:** sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week

 **Elrond** :.....it's okay?

 **AdotHam:** ShIT WROng cHaT

 **JdotLaurens:** if this is you as a nightmare I think I'd die seeing you as a dream

 **Laffy Taffy:** *cups my hands around my mouth* GAY

 **JdotLaurens:** tru

* * *

 

 **andPeggy:** I hate him. He's an asshole and now he's in the bathroom and I hope he stays in there forever cause I never want to see him again.

 **BitchYouWish:** you're overreacting herc just stole one of your fries.

 **andPeggy:** HE HAD HIS OWN

 **BitchYouWish:** remind me to never steal any of your food ever.

* * *

 

 **Laffy Taffy:** I have finally put both of his balls in my mouth at the same time

 **Elrond:** I thought you were supposed to be at lunch

 **Laffy Taffy:** I am

 **Elrond:** did you and Thomas just blow dolley off?

 **Laffy Taffy:** she was late and we got bored

 **Elrond:**...okay

* * *

 

 **GladInGladiator:** I need change so I can get soda out of the vending machine.

 **AndreTheGiant:** why are you telling us this?

 **GladInGladiator:** I need to borrow some change

 **TheWittiest:** I have 23 pounds of pennies I'm willing to give some up

 **GladInGladiator:** why do you have 23 pounds of pennies?!?!

 **TheWittiest:** I was looking for change in my couch cushions.

 **AndreTheGiant:** who tf has 23 pounds of pennies in their couch??

 **TheWittiest:** I do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Check my tumblr here - http://myxdear.tumblr.com/


	18. 600 Thread Count

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adotam: *demonic screech from hell*

**Laffy Taffy:** I’m on a date with Thomas and this dude just walks up to him and asks for his number

 **BitchYouWish:** did you make it obvious that you were on a date together?

 **Laffy Taffy:** I was practically sitting on his lap and I was licking his neck

 **Laffy Taffy:** ….I’m actually surprised we didn’t get kicked out

 **Elrond: w** hat did you do when he asked for jeffersons number?

 **Laffy Taffy:** I gave Thomas a hickey and glared at the motherfucker

 **AdotHam:** omg laf…

 **Laffy Taffy:** THIS BITCH SHOULDVE TAKEN A FUCKING HINT

 **GladinGladiator:** so did Thomas give him his number?

 **Laffy Taffy:** are you serious?

 **GladinGladiator:** yea

 **Laffy Taffy:** what do you think?

 **GladinGladiator:** idk that’s why I’m asking

 **Laffy Taffy:** no. Thomas did not give out his phone number.

 **AdotHam:** that’s sucks

 **Laffy Taffy:** wtf!?

 **AndreTheGiant:** you’re an A+ friend alex.

 **JdotLaurens:** care to explain?

 **AdotHam:** id have a reason to harm TJeff if he hurt laf

 **Laffy Taffy:** thanks

 **AdotHam:** ur welcome

 **andPeggy:** I think they were being sarcastic

 **Laffy Taffy:** I was

 **TheWittiest:** lbr you’d fight thomas any day

 **Elrond:** Thomas could snap you like a twig

 **AndreTheGiant:** idk alex is pretty scrappy

 **GladinGladiator:** Thomas is built like a truck tho

 **Elrond:** tru^

 **AdotHam:** lets take a vote then

 **Laffy Taffy:** fine

 **Laffy Taffy:** Thomas

 **Elrond:** soz alex….Thomas

 **GladinGladiator:** Thomas

 **AdotHam:** I knew you were fake friends

 **AndreTheGiant:** idk you could bite his ankles or something - alex

 **AdotHam:** thanks Andre

 **TheWittiest:** Thomas

 **andPeggy:** Alex

 **JdotLaurens:** Thomas …

 **AdotHam:** my own boyfriend….so this is what betrayal feels like.

 **AdotHam:** Maria, you believe in me right?

 **BitchYouWish** : sure

 **AdotHam:** so I have have 3 people who think I could take down Jefferson.

 **BitchYouWish:** I said I believe in you but Jefferson would fucking pummel you.

 **AdotHam:** ….so 2

 **AdotHam:** now I know who my real friends are

————  
**BitchYouWish:** Have you ever just wanted to be a pigeon, like try to poop on your enemies and ruin their Gucci

 **AndreTheGiant:** yes

 **Elrond:** all the time

 **TheWittiest:** who hasn’t wished that

 **andPeggy:** I’d be queen pigeon

 **GladinGladiator:** rt

 **JdotLaurens:** i wanna shit on their heads but the meaning is still there

 **Laffy Taffy:** rt

 **AdotHam:** rt

——————————–

 **TheWittiest:** I’m reading a very angsty book

 **BitchYouWish:** I hate reading angst. It makes me upset

 **AndreTheGiant:** same what’s your secret

 **TheWittiest:** my secret: I’m already dead inside

—————

 **TheWittiest:** I have a date with adrienne and I want it to be nice. Where should we go?

 **Elrond:** a strip club

 **TheWittiest:** ELIZA

 **Elrond:** Shit I guess I wont help

 **AdotHam:** take her to see a movie

 **JdotLaurens:** ^

 **TheWittiest:** that’s so boring tho

 **Laffy Taffy:** coffee shop dates are cute

 **TheWittiest:** they’re also cliche

 **AndreTheGiant:** damn Angelica

 **GladinGladiator:** just take her anywhere. I’m sure she won’t care as long as she’s with you.

 **TheWittiest:** …….

 **TheWittiest:** Y'all aren’t any help

  
**——————**

**AdotHam:** in one of my classes we’re going to watch 42

 **JdotLaurens:** omg it’s so good alex

 **Elrond:** how opposed are you to sneaking me into your class

 **AdotHam:** this teacher already hates me so you have to stay where you are

 **Elrond:** :(

 **andPeggy:** I’ve never seen it

 **AndreTheGiant:** same

 **AdotHam:** I haven’t seen it either

 **Elrond:** you do plan on updating us, right?

 **AdotHam:** obviously.

 **AdotHam:** it’s starting so stop blowing up my phone.

 **Laffy Taffy:** you know what movie 42 reminds me of? A league of their own

 **TheWittiest:** that is literally my favorite movie ever

 **AndreTheGiant:** baseball movies are where it’s at

 **AdotHam:** that intro tho….

 **GladinGladiator:** ^right!!

 **AdotHam:** I CANT HEAR IT CAUSE LEE IS FUCKING TALKING IN MY EAR

 **BitchYouWish:** kill him

 **AdotHam:** I can’t tell if you’re serious….

 **BitchYouWish:** cut that bitch

 **andPeggy:** my girlfriend is a savage

 **AdotHam:** this movie makes me want to play baseball

 **AdotHam:** why is football more popular than baseball? I just don’t get it

 **AndreTheGiant:** idk dude. What’s going on in the movie?

 **AdotHam:** you do realize that you could just watch the movie on your computer

 **AndreTheGiant:** that takes work. I’d much rather watch it through you.

 **AdotHam:** he’s fuckin with the pitcher.

 **AdotHam:** Istg I’m gonna kill lee

 **BitchYouWish:** I called it

 **AdotHam:** he won’t stop!!

 **AdotHam:** *demonic screeches from hell*

————————

 **GladinGladiator:** Peggy and Maria are calling me their boy toy

 **AdotHam:** john calls me that all the time

 **GladinGladiator:** you know what that means?

 **AdotHam:** ?

 **GladinGladiator:** we get to start the boy toy squad

 **AndreTheGiant:** can I join?

 **GladinGladiator:** have you been called a boy toy before?

 **AndreTheGiant:** Angelica used to call me that

 **Elrond:** Angelica :0

 **TheWittiest:** I called him that once

 **Laffy Taffy:** if I call Thomas my boy toy can he join your squad?

 **AdotHam:** NO

————————-

 **BitchYouWish:** fuck work

 **GladinGladiator:** is that why you're laying face down on the bed

 **BitchYouWish:** yes I need to get some of my energy back

 **AndreTheGiant:** so you just came home from work and fell onto your bed

 **BitchYouWish:** yes

 **BitchYouWish:** yes... I melted into my bed. I am now one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh shit look who updated!


	19. The Roast Of John Laurens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Laffy Taffy: In one of my classes we have to pick a historical figure to do a project on and I picked Winston churchill and i'm just saying....I would've rode that D into battle
> 
> GladinGladiator: tbh same...
> 
> AndreTheGiant: I don't know what to say.....

 

 **TheWittiest:** you have no idea what my vagina is capable of.

 **BitchYouWish:** …what….the…fuck

 **TheWittiest:** oh shit wrong number

 **BitchYouWish:** do I want to know?

 **TheWittiest:** I doubt it

 

**\---------------------------------------**

 

 

 **JdotLaurens:** I’m a classy ass bitch

 **AdotHam:** LOL

 

 **JdotLaurens:** rude, I’m watching chicken run while drinking champagne

 **Laffy Taffy:** drinking champagne doesn’t make you classy.

 **JdotLaurens:** am I the only one who thinks I’m classy

 **GladinGladiator:** do I need to bring up /the incident/

 **JdotLaurens:** no….

 **AdotHam:** before we started dating you had a guest book in your bedroom for guys to write in after you hooked up with them

 **JdotLaurens:** what is this? Roast John day?

 **Elrond:** yes.

 **AndreTheGiant:** I haven’t known you for long but I can pull out a long list of receipts.

 **AdotHam:** on Valentine’s Day you sent me a pic of your flaccid dick saying “happy belated valentines.”

 **Laffy Taffy:** we went bowling for your birthday and you were drunk before we even showed up

 **JdotLaurens:** honestly if you’re not drunk on your birthday who even are you?

 **TheWittiest:** he still managed to beat us all though….

 **JdotLaurens:** the booze gave me super powers.

 **AndreTheGiant:** I spent the night over at your place and I woke up the next day and watched you eat raw mac and cheese

 **JdotLaurens:** I didn’t ask you to watch

 **AndreTheGiant:** how could I not

 **BitchYouWish:** you couldn’t have just cooked it?

 **JdotLaurens:** I was hungry for the mac and I didn’t want to wait

 **Laffy Taffy:** I just told Jefferson about this and he screamed

 **TheWittiest:** the man loves him some macaroni

 **andPeggy:** I remember when I met you you walked up to me with wine and bread and said “Jesus would have wanted this”

 **JdotLaurens:** I’m not wrong

 **andPeggy:** now that I’ve thought about it we’ve all met in weird ways

 **AndreTheGiant:** even me?

 **Elrond:** my sister fucked you and then dragged you to New York like you were a stray puppy. That’s pretty weird.

 **TheWittiest:** it sounds crude when you say it like that 

 **andPeggy:** I met Hercules when I went to a historical site and he broke a piece off a peice of the stairs

 **Elrond:** lol I remember hearing that story

 **GladinGladiator:** I still have it

 **andPeggy** : I remember you looked around and then ripped the fucking thing off. I remember when you saw me staring you turned and you just held a finger to your lips and shoved it in your pocket.

 **GladinGladiator:** I wish I would’ve taken a picture of your face when I did that

 **Laffy Taffy:** I remember meeting everyone but John

 **JdotLaurens:**???

 **Laffy Taffy:** I mean,,,I don’t remember meeting you the first time like I remember waking up to you naked in my bed and that was that

 **BitchYouWish:** you hooked up with john???

 **Laffy Taffy:** who haven’t I had sex with in this chat lol

 **andPeggy:** I haven’t had sex with you

 **Elrond:** nor have I

 **BitchYouWish:** I haven’t either

 **Laffy Taffy:** I think I’ve slept with everyone else tho

 **andPeggy:** @TheWittiest pls tell me you didnt sleep with Lafayette.

 **TheWittiest:**....oops

 **Elrond:** you slept with lafayette and jefferson?

 **Elrond:**...i think you have a type angie

 **andPeggy:** I was gonna say that you got over it but now that I think about it you're dating Adrienne and she's french. So you either sleep with people who are from france or who are obsessed with it.

 **TheWittiest:** fuck you both I thought we were talking shit about John

 **JdotLaurens:** I feel bullied

 **Elrond:** i'm waiting to talk shit because I want to be prepared.

 **AndreTheGiant:** prepared?

 **Elrond:** I'm literally writing down a list of weird things that john has done.

 **AdotHam:** I'm coming over to help with it!

 **JdotLaurens:** ......

 

 

_**\-------------------------------------** _

 

 

 **TheWittiest:** I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished

 **TheWittiest:** shit wrong chat again

 **Elrond:** WHAT THE FUCK

 **Laffy Taffy:** how many chats are you in? why do you keep mixing them up???

 

 

**\---------------------------------------**

 

 

 **Laffy Taffy:** In one of my classes we have to pick a historical figure to do a project on and I picked Winston churchill and i'm just saying....I would've rode that D into battle

 **GladinGladiator:** tbh same...

 **AndreTheGiant:** I don't know what to say.....

 

 

**\-----------------------------------------**

 

 

 **Elrond:** I'm ready!

 **JdotLaurens:** oh god

 **GladinGladiator:** Lets hear it

 **Elrond:** "That's okay i'm failing my classes because i'm to busy giving over the pants handjobs in class"

 **BitchYouWish:** wtf

 **Elrond:** that is what John texted me a week after I met him

 **JdotLaurens:** In my defense I meant to text that to Hercules

 **GladInGladiator:** I'm glad that I wasn't the recipient of that text message

 **Elrond:** we were at a party and I asked john to get me a beer and instead he started making muffins

 **TheWittiest:** that actually sounds nice

 **Elrond:** we were at someone elses house

 **TheWittiest:** Jonathan...

 **JdotLaurens:** THATS NOT EVEN MY NAME

 **GladinGladiator:** After we met Alex for the first time John said to me...and I quote " Did you see that jawline. I need to ride it straight to hell"

 **JdotLaurens:** Im not even gonna defend myself because Alexander's jawline is my throne and I want to stay there forever

 **AdotHam:** ;)

 **Laffy Taffy:** im gonna vomit

 

 

**\------------------------------------------**

 

 

 **TheWittiest:** andre would like me to inform you misfits that he dropped his phone and it is now broken so he will not be in this chat for awhile

 **Elrond:** that was really formal...

 **andPeggy:** did he drop it from the roof how did he manage to break his phone after dropping it

 **TheWittiest:** he didn't have a phone cover and he dropped it off of my balcony

 **AdotHam:** I don't even feel bad for him. The dumbass should've gotten a cover

 **TheWittiest:** I told him that and he told me to tell you to come over here and fight him

 **JdotLaurens:** Alex just stormed out of the apartment....

 **JdotLaurens:** it's 1am and he isn't wearing pants

 

 

**\----------------------------------------------**

 

 

 **TheWittiest:** OMG

 **TheWittiest:** OMG

 **TheWittiest:** @Laffy Taffy when did you realize you were in love with Thomas

 **Laffy Taffy** : You do realize that you could have asked me this later. The sun isn't even up.

 **TheWittiest:** IT CAN NOT WAIT

 **Laffy Taffy:** okay, fine.

 **Laffy Taffy:** I realized I was in love with Thomas when he fucked my brains out and then fed me mac and cheese

 **GladinGladiator:** i could have lived without knowing that

 **TheWittiest:** that didn't help

 **TheWittiest:** Hercules, Peggy, and maria it's your turn. When did you realize you were in love

 **andPeggy:** it's too early from this shut up

 **BitchYouWish:** idk we were all watching a movie and Peggy was chucking popcorn at the screen and hercules was picking up the pieces from the floor and I thought...i really love these freaks

 **TheWittiest:** that's actually kind of cute but like..

 **GladinGladiator:** maria knocked a guy out and peggy made someone cry and Idk what about that made me realize that i loved them but it did

 **AdotHam:** are you gonna ask us?

 **TheWittiest:** no

 **AdotHam:** why not john and I have been together the longest out of anyone in this chat

 **TheWittiest:** fine Alexander. Tell me when you realized you were in love with John.

 **AdotHam:** About two months after we started dating John came to my dorm room upset about The Devil (a.k.a daddy laurens)

 **Elrond:** "Daddy Laurens"

 **AdotHam:** ANYWAYS

 **AdotHam:** So we watch Austenland and afterwards John feel asleep and I remember thinking that I don't ever want to see him in pain again and that I was going to protect him forever. The next day I was venting to Laf about it and they were like "hammy, pull it together you're in love"

 **TheWittiest** :....honestly, that was the most helpful answer I got

 **Elrond:** ignore me i'm not crying or anything

 **GladinGladiator:** like,,,,why aren't you guys married

 **AdotHam:** unimportant

 **AdotHam:** I'm going to sleep goodnight

 **BitchYouWish:**....that wasn't suspicious

 **TheWittiest:** literally whenever Hamskillet uses the word unimportant you know he's up to something

 **Laffy Taffy:** "Hamskillet" lol

 **TheWittiest:** Bite me Laf

 **Laffy Taffy:**  You're pretty grumpy for someone who woke me up!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Come talk to me at my tumblr here (
> 
> [Tumblr](http://myxdear.tumblr.com/)
> 
> )


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